Newsline - Associated Press - 14 November
Tragedy nearly struck this weekend when a young Puerto Rican woman narrowly avoided being gored to death by a rhinoceros who was reportedly provoked by a group of intoxicated onlookers. The woman's friends were able to save the girl from certain doom. However, to the chagrin of local authorities, the rhinoceros escaped captured and was last believed to be headed to Spain. Anyone with information about the stray odd-toed ungulate are encouraged to call big Joe. When asked about the incident afterwords, the woman only replied, "Pumpkin Tits!"
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