He'd eat my recipe. A slight thanks to Rachel Ray for the recommendation on making a roux, and Maruzze for the Gruyere suggestion. Here's the recipe, with a little explanation mixed in. This must be shared.
First, boil some water in a pot for a full box/bag of oricchette or small shells. While you're waiting for those to cook, prepare your sauce.
Start with a medium sauce pan, with a tablespoon or two of olive oil and a tablespoon of butter. Get it nice and hot so the butter melts and drop in 1/4 cup of chopped onions. Cook them on a medium low heat so you sweat the onions creating a nice sweet texture. When you get a little bit of bubbling with the oil, whisk in 1 tbsp of paprika, 1/2 tbsp (1.5 tsp) of either cayenne or chipotle pepper, and 3 tbsp of flour. This will create an orange roux. Get the roux bubbling, add in 1/2 cup of sour cream and about 3 cups of skim milk. Raise the heat, and bring to a quick boil. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer. Let thicken 3-5 minutes.
Once your basic sauce has thickened, add 2 cups mild cheddar cheese, shredded, and 1 cup of gruyere chease, also shredded. Allow to melt into sauce for 1-2 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350.
Take your cooked pasta, drain but do not rinse, and combine with melted cheese sauce. Once thorougly combined, put in 8x8 baking pan. Top with breadcrumbs and thick cut bacon. Put foil over baking pan and bake in oven for 30 minutes at 350.
Once baked, allow to cool, and serve.
Believe me, this is worth it.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
When Rhinocerotes Attack
Newsline - Associated Press - 14 November
Tragedy nearly struck this weekend when a young Puerto Rican woman narrowly avoided being gored to death by a rhinoceros who was reportedly provoked by a group of intoxicated onlookers. The woman's friends were able to save the girl from certain doom. However, to the chagrin of local authorities, the rhinoceros escaped captured and was last believed to be headed to Spain. Anyone with information about the stray odd-toed ungulate are encouraged to call big Joe. When asked about the incident afterwords, the woman only replied, "Pumpkin Tits!"
Tragedy nearly struck this weekend when a young Puerto Rican woman narrowly avoided being gored to death by a rhinoceros who was reportedly provoked by a group of intoxicated onlookers. The woman's friends were able to save the girl from certain doom. However, to the chagrin of local authorities, the rhinoceros escaped captured and was last believed to be headed to Spain. Anyone with information about the stray odd-toed ungulate are encouraged to call big Joe. When asked about the incident afterwords, the woman only replied, "Pumpkin Tits!"
Monday, November 9, 2009
You know, that novel I've been working on...
I know you're all about to ask, "How you uh, how you comin' on that novel, you're workin' on huh? Got a big uh big stack of papers there? Got a got a got a nice little nice little story you're workin' on there, the big big uh novel you've been working on for three years, huh? Got a, got a compelling protagonist huh? Got a uh got a obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Little story brewin' there? Workin' on, workin on that for quite some time huh? Yeah talkin' about that three years ago eh? Been workin' on that the whole time? Nice little uh narrative uh beginning middle and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends yeah? At the end you're uh main character is uh richer for the experience yeah? Yeah? Yeah you got uh .. No, no you you deserve some time off."
Well, the answer is, just damn peachy... sort of. I love knowing that I have a plot developed that would work in nearly any setting, not just a science fiction series that will make literary critics eyes roll. I just hate how tough it is writing effective dialogue that doesn't come across as hackneyed. I sometimes can't help but wonder how a War and Peace type novel was written, and how sane Tolstoy, or any of those epic authors could possibly be.
Was this really worth writing a blog about? Probably not, but at least you got to read a Family Guy quote.
Well, the answer is, just damn peachy... sort of. I love knowing that I have a plot developed that would work in nearly any setting, not just a science fiction series that will make literary critics eyes roll. I just hate how tough it is writing effective dialogue that doesn't come across as hackneyed. I sometimes can't help but wonder how a War and Peace type novel was written, and how sane Tolstoy, or any of those epic authors could possibly be.
Was this really worth writing a blog about? Probably not, but at least you got to read a Family Guy quote.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hail Caesar
For the 27th time in their existence, the New York Yankees, baseball's version of the Roman Empire, were crowned the World Series Champion. Like the crowning of many Roman emperors, the championship will be celebrated in the streets of the homeland, with confetti replacing the blood of slaughtered chattel. And like the leaders of Rome, those who helped to build this Yankee empire come replete with stories of lavish spending, unchecked megalomania, scandalous personal indiscretions, and a list of enemies as long as the list of victories.
Just as Rome was not built in a day, the Yankee empire was one that could only be built through exorbitant spending and manipulation, but most of all, hard work and ruthless perseverance in the face of its enemies. Now the triumphant empire stands proud over its fallen enemies, holding trophies the of their conquest. Their enemies, not dressed in blood-stained armor like the soldiers of Carthage, Palmyra, and so many, but in dirt-smeared uniforms and battered cleats, are left to watch, in both awe and envy of their pinstriped conquerors.
As a member of one of those conquered nations, left battered and beaten by the conquering force, I am left alive and defeated, resentful of success won at the hands of my own dominion's failure. Even more painful than the defeat itself, though, is the thought that for the following days, I must be forced to live by the saying "when in Rome..." Thus, like the Roman gladiators, many of who were slaves from a defeated rival, I can only turn towards the Steinbrenners, Brian Cashman, and the Yankee players, and bitterly address them; "Hail Caesar, we who are about to die, salute you!"
Just as Rome was not built in a day, the Yankee empire was one that could only be built through exorbitant spending and manipulation, but most of all, hard work and ruthless perseverance in the face of its enemies. Now the triumphant empire stands proud over its fallen enemies, holding trophies the of their conquest. Their enemies, not dressed in blood-stained armor like the soldiers of Carthage, Palmyra, and so many, but in dirt-smeared uniforms and battered cleats, are left to watch, in both awe and envy of their pinstriped conquerors.
As a member of one of those conquered nations, left battered and beaten by the conquering force, I am left alive and defeated, resentful of success won at the hands of my own dominion's failure. Even more painful than the defeat itself, though, is the thought that for the following days, I must be forced to live by the saying "when in Rome..." Thus, like the Roman gladiators, many of who were slaves from a defeated rival, I can only turn towards the Steinbrenners, Brian Cashman, and the Yankee players, and bitterly address them; "Hail Caesar, we who are about to die, salute you!"
Friday, October 30, 2009
Mother Earth is a bitch!
Below is an article from a blog by Charlie Stross. In short, it sums up an old scientific theory about the relative uninhabitable nature of the Earth. While it's been discussed in the past by many writers, Stross puts this in a very different light, making it easy to understand and very interesting to read.
http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2009/10/how_habitable_is_the_earth.html
What I find most interesting about this article is that in many ways this theory can be used by believers to insist upon the existance of a supreme being ("It had to be God's plan, it's too big of a coincidence not to be.") or by non-believers to praise the randomness of evolution and the cosmic dice throw. As someone who is basically agnostic, with a leaning towards some sort of supreme architect of the universe, whether it is "God" or the governing laws of phyics, I'm left in sheer amazement of the evolution of the human machine.
http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2009/10/how_habitable_is_the_earth.html
What I find most interesting about this article is that in many ways this theory can be used by believers to insist upon the existance of a supreme being ("It had to be God's plan, it's too big of a coincidence not to be.") or by non-believers to praise the randomness of evolution and the cosmic dice throw. As someone who is basically agnostic, with a leaning towards some sort of supreme architect of the universe, whether it is "God" or the governing laws of phyics, I'm left in sheer amazement of the evolution of the human machine.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Reviewing "The Inferno"
While it might be exceptionally pretentious to assume anyone wishes to read the review of a 700 year old book that has been broken down time and time again, I'll risk pretention and make a quick comment on Dante's epic poem.
So powerful was this poem that the Christian vision of hell was essentially reworked to coincide with the imagery in Dante's work. Interestingly, "The Inferno" was meant as much of a commentary on the political state of Florence spliced with references to pagan myths and historical figures. In actually, I have found nothing "Christian" about this vision, lacking any of the so called Christian virtues. Charity, compassion, sympathy, forgiveness; these are almost entirely lacking.
What is so interesting about this, is that the imagery was so vivid, so frightening, and so cleverly written, that the descriptions of hellish punishments for sinners became a tool for the Church to use frighten its followers. Of course, this is nothing new to the fourteenth century, as the Christian institution has often used an assortment of past traditions and powerful imagery to achieve its religious and political objectives.
In many ways, I almost find it unfortunate that the Christain view of hell is little more than a work of fiction that has been taken as a point of faith. Snark aside, this seems the modern day equivalent of using the next apocolyptic film as a true vision of the future. On the other hand, the Inferno is so enjoyable and unlike anything every written (save Milton's "Paradise Lost") that Christianity could have done far worse.
So powerful was this poem that the Christian vision of hell was essentially reworked to coincide with the imagery in Dante's work. Interestingly, "The Inferno" was meant as much of a commentary on the political state of Florence spliced with references to pagan myths and historical figures. In actually, I have found nothing "Christian" about this vision, lacking any of the so called Christian virtues. Charity, compassion, sympathy, forgiveness; these are almost entirely lacking.
What is so interesting about this, is that the imagery was so vivid, so frightening, and so cleverly written, that the descriptions of hellish punishments for sinners became a tool for the Church to use frighten its followers. Of course, this is nothing new to the fourteenth century, as the Christian institution has often used an assortment of past traditions and powerful imagery to achieve its religious and political objectives.
In many ways, I almost find it unfortunate that the Christain view of hell is little more than a work of fiction that has been taken as a point of faith. Snark aside, this seems the modern day equivalent of using the next apocolyptic film as a true vision of the future. On the other hand, the Inferno is so enjoyable and unlike anything every written (save Milton's "Paradise Lost") that Christianity could have done far worse.
Book Excerpt
Untitled Star Trek Project
For the last two and a half years, I have been developing a novel-length story in the Star Trek universe. Taking place approximately three years after Star Trek: Nemesis, the begining of the book will be set in mid-2831, in the wake of a devastationg and near-apocalyptic invasion of the Federation, in which much of society is forced to deal with life in a universe recovering from unthinkable disaster.
Following the published works of the expanded universe, the premise deals with a young scientist and Starfleet officer struggling to come to terms with the often tenuous relationship between peacetime exploration and the military. Analyzing the effects of military institution and its dichotomy with civilian life, the project is meant to reflect upon historical events and merge them with the world of Star Trek.
The exerpt below, does not deal directly with the above theme, but rather serves as a brief introduction to John Chamberlain, an experienced captain and secondary protagonist. Chamberlain will come to represent the military complex within Starfleet, an organization that must balance its peaceful functions with its more martial ones. His name and basic character, are directly inspired and draw many comparisons to Joshua L. Chamberlain, Civil War hero and Maine statesman (and possible distant ancestor). In the book, Chamberlain will play commanding officer and friendly authority figure to Gavin Malkar, the project's protagonist, who I will introduce later.
U.S.S. Grayson
Indri VIII
Captain John Chamberlain squinted to read the words flashing across vibrating data terminal in front of him. Setting down his cup of coffee, which proceeded to splash on the rattling desk, he let out a barely audible sigh and gripped the desk monitor, unsuccessfully trying to steady the device. Letting his eyes drift off the monitor and scanning the small, sterile ready room, Chamberlain could not help but notice the barrenness of his surroundings. The plain antimony walls, harsh lighting, and well-worn black desk in front of him, did every bit as much to betray the age of his temporary command, as did the shaking of the room around him. At over a century old, the U.S.S. Grayson was just one of hundreds of mothballed ships that had been brought into service in the wake of the disastrous Borg invasion earlier in the year. Having served in Starfleet for over three decades, the fifty-one year old Chamberlain was no stranger to being aboard starships old and new, but the less than rhythmic vibrations of the ship's warp deceleration proved to be slightly jarring. Still, everything that has happened these last few months has been jarring, Chamberlain thought.
Despite the slightly bumpy deceleration, it was only the sharp chime of the ship's intercom that broke Captain Chamberlain of his reverie.
Velazquez to the Captain, a female voice chirped through the speaker.
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
Sir, we've come out of warp in the Indri system. We're due to make orbit in just under four minutes, but we've picked up something unusual on the ship's sensors.
“Unusual?” Chamberlain replied, taking a small sip of his coffee.
Yes, sir. For a fraction of a second, short-range sensors seemed to indicate a small source of vertiron particles and rather high neutrino emissions.
“Vertirons and neutrinos,” the Captain's voice showing a hint of intrigue, “are you sure?”
Yes, Captain. We couldn't get a fix on the exact source, but the computer registered a definite reading.
“Well neutrinos could indicate the presence of a cloak,” Chamberlain said, in a tone indicating absent conjecture rather than any certainty.
Lieutenant Wallace suggested that too. From what we can tell, the source was far to small to be a cloaked ship. There doesn't appear to be any immediate threat.
“Well, Velazquez,” Chamberlain replied, lightly dismissive, “with the age and condition of these sensors, you could very well be chasing ghosts. We can always double back and scan the area after we've unloaded the cargo, but for now, let's proceed to our scheduled rendezvous. I'll be on the bridge in a moment. Chamberlain out.”
Tapping off the data terminal and taking one more sip of coffee, Chamberlain set down the cup once more on the now-still desk. Seeing his reflection in the black screen of the blank monitor, he noticed the small creases that had subtly began to form on the sides his eyes over, betraying his own advancing age. This betrayal was further exacerbated by the sprinkling of gray that had just recently begun to appear in his sandy-brown mustache; a bushy horseshoe-shaped bit of facial hair that hung over his upper lip and down the sides of his mouth. This walrus-like mustache distinguished him every bit as much as the slightly long hair that hung just past the tops of his ears, making the captain seem like somewhat of an anachronism, fit more to commanding a cavalry brigade than a starship. Hair that was also, Chamberlain admitted to himself as he peered at his reflection, starting to show the slightest bit of gray in the temples.
His heavy brow furrowing, Chamberlain stood up and tugged at his black uniform shirt, then adjusted his red collar slightly, making sure to be the perfect image of order when he appeared on the Grayson's bridge. To his credit, Chamberlain had a very regal bearing, despite his somewhat unusual look. Having once been described by a colleague as appearing firm and but not too rigid, every detail of his person was properly seen to. Adding to this image was a somewhat austere, though quite thoughtful look, that seemed to be permanently affixed to the captain's face. As he made his way out the ready room door and onto the bridge, Chamberlain hoped that this image would show to his new, albeit temporary, crew.
Note: Avid Star Trek fans will take note of the ship, "U.S.S. Grayson," named for character Amanda Grayson, wife of Sarek of Vulcan. Described by A.C. Crispin in her 1994 novel Sarek, the ship's namesake was said to be a humanitarian and noted civilian scientist. As a result, I found it fitting to name a relief ship.
For the last two and a half years, I have been developing a novel-length story in the Star Trek universe. Taking place approximately three years after Star Trek: Nemesis, the begining of the book will be set in mid-2831, in the wake of a devastationg and near-apocalyptic invasion of the Federation, in which much of society is forced to deal with life in a universe recovering from unthinkable disaster.
Following the published works of the expanded universe, the premise deals with a young scientist and Starfleet officer struggling to come to terms with the often tenuous relationship between peacetime exploration and the military. Analyzing the effects of military institution and its dichotomy with civilian life, the project is meant to reflect upon historical events and merge them with the world of Star Trek.
The exerpt below, does not deal directly with the above theme, but rather serves as a brief introduction to John Chamberlain, an experienced captain and secondary protagonist. Chamberlain will come to represent the military complex within Starfleet, an organization that must balance its peaceful functions with its more martial ones. His name and basic character, are directly inspired and draw many comparisons to Joshua L. Chamberlain, Civil War hero and Maine statesman (and possible distant ancestor). In the book, Chamberlain will play commanding officer and friendly authority figure to Gavin Malkar, the project's protagonist, who I will introduce later.
U.S.S. Grayson
Indri VIII
Captain John Chamberlain squinted to read the words flashing across vibrating data terminal in front of him. Setting down his cup of coffee, which proceeded to splash on the rattling desk, he let out a barely audible sigh and gripped the desk monitor, unsuccessfully trying to steady the device. Letting his eyes drift off the monitor and scanning the small, sterile ready room, Chamberlain could not help but notice the barrenness of his surroundings. The plain antimony walls, harsh lighting, and well-worn black desk in front of him, did every bit as much to betray the age of his temporary command, as did the shaking of the room around him. At over a century old, the U.S.S. Grayson was just one of hundreds of mothballed ships that had been brought into service in the wake of the disastrous Borg invasion earlier in the year. Having served in Starfleet for over three decades, the fifty-one year old Chamberlain was no stranger to being aboard starships old and new, but the less than rhythmic vibrations of the ship's warp deceleration proved to be slightly jarring. Still, everything that has happened these last few months has been jarring, Chamberlain thought.
Despite the slightly bumpy deceleration, it was only the sharp chime of the ship's intercom that broke Captain Chamberlain of his reverie.
Velazquez to the Captain, a female voice chirped through the speaker.
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
Sir, we've come out of warp in the Indri system. We're due to make orbit in just under four minutes, but we've picked up something unusual on the ship's sensors.
“Unusual?” Chamberlain replied, taking a small sip of his coffee.
Yes, sir. For a fraction of a second, short-range sensors seemed to indicate a small source of vertiron particles and rather high neutrino emissions.
“Vertirons and neutrinos,” the Captain's voice showing a hint of intrigue, “are you sure?”
Yes, Captain. We couldn't get a fix on the exact source, but the computer registered a definite reading.
“Well neutrinos could indicate the presence of a cloak,” Chamberlain said, in a tone indicating absent conjecture rather than any certainty.
Lieutenant Wallace suggested that too. From what we can tell, the source was far to small to be a cloaked ship. There doesn't appear to be any immediate threat.
“Well, Velazquez,” Chamberlain replied, lightly dismissive, “with the age and condition of these sensors, you could very well be chasing ghosts. We can always double back and scan the area after we've unloaded the cargo, but for now, let's proceed to our scheduled rendezvous. I'll be on the bridge in a moment. Chamberlain out.”
Tapping off the data terminal and taking one more sip of coffee, Chamberlain set down the cup once more on the now-still desk. Seeing his reflection in the black screen of the blank monitor, he noticed the small creases that had subtly began to form on the sides his eyes over, betraying his own advancing age. This betrayal was further exacerbated by the sprinkling of gray that had just recently begun to appear in his sandy-brown mustache; a bushy horseshoe-shaped bit of facial hair that hung over his upper lip and down the sides of his mouth. This walrus-like mustache distinguished him every bit as much as the slightly long hair that hung just past the tops of his ears, making the captain seem like somewhat of an anachronism, fit more to commanding a cavalry brigade than a starship. Hair that was also, Chamberlain admitted to himself as he peered at his reflection, starting to show the slightest bit of gray in the temples.
His heavy brow furrowing, Chamberlain stood up and tugged at his black uniform shirt, then adjusted his red collar slightly, making sure to be the perfect image of order when he appeared on the Grayson's bridge. To his credit, Chamberlain had a very regal bearing, despite his somewhat unusual look. Having once been described by a colleague as appearing firm and but not too rigid, every detail of his person was properly seen to. Adding to this image was a somewhat austere, though quite thoughtful look, that seemed to be permanently affixed to the captain's face. As he made his way out the ready room door and onto the bridge, Chamberlain hoped that this image would show to his new, albeit temporary, crew.
Note: Avid Star Trek fans will take note of the ship, "U.S.S. Grayson," named for character Amanda Grayson, wife of Sarek of Vulcan. Described by A.C. Crispin in her 1994 novel Sarek, the ship's namesake was said to be a humanitarian and noted civilian scientist. As a result, I found it fitting to name a relief ship.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Random Musings 2: Eclectic Bugaloo
Here's a few Top 7 lists to chew on. Why 7? It's a biblical number. It's more decisive than 5. It's completely arbitrary, just like the lists. These are in no particular order
Top 7 Awesome Smells
1) Libraries: C'mon, there's something awesome about the smell of musty paper and rows upon rows of books.
2) Playdough: Try to contest this one
3) Pumpkin Spice Donut: See Also: Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Anything
4) Fresh Basil (still on plant): Mix with lemon for orgasmic scent
5) Beer mash: Before it's beer, it's a mushy brown mash of grains and boiling water that smells like a cross between bread and awesome.
6) Ice Hockey Rink: Seriously, go smell it. I don't know what the chemical is, but it's amazing.
7) New York City: Olfactory Overload
Top 7 Books that NEED to be written (and some that could never be)
1) Comprehensive History of the Eisenhower Interstate System: You could circle the world dozens of times with the pavement laid down in the 1950's and 1960's. It has to be worth a read.
2) Comprehensive History of the NYC Subway System: 700 miles of track under granite, swamp, and even river. The ultimate engineering marvel of the world.
3) Presidents and Polygraphs: Ask US Presidents questions while hooked up to a Polygraph. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Enjoy.
4) A Muslim's View of the Crusades: Go back in time, kidnap a Muslim leader during the invasions, let him write an autobiography.
5) Christ - The Autobiography: Would the holes in his hands keep him from properly holding a pen?
6) The History of Comfort Foods: The story behind who came up with foods like PB&J and Mac n Cheese. Seriously, just think about the combinations of food we eat.
7) The List Book: A book listing the greatest lists of all time. Who doesn't like lists? Communists, that' who.
Top 7 Candies Old People Like
1) Black Licorice: It's like beer. You can't enjoy it under a certain age.
2) Worther's Original: Awesomeness comes in a coffee flavored hunk of sugar.
3) Sugar-Free Lifesavers: Try the mixed berry ones.
4) After Dinner Mints: Those weird chalky mints you get at restaurants and grandparents houses have some great value
5) NECCO Wafers: Addictive despite how horrible they are
6) Spice Drops: The look of disappointment when a little kid thinks he's getting fruity candy and bites into a purple spice drop that tastes like licorice and mint makes these worthwhile.
7) Butterscotch Candies: If you haven't gotten and enjoyed one of these from someone over 50 you either don't have grandparents or don't hang out with pedophiles.
Top 7 Flags of the World
1) Britain' Union Jack: Even the French like this.
2) Libya: These fuckers were too lazy to actually design something, so they hung a plain green sheet.
3) Macedonia: Yellow sun with a red background sorta like a twisted old Japanese rising sun. Awesomeness.
4) Bhutan: Anyone who can get a dragon on their flag is okay by me.
5) Nazi Germany: Yeah, fuck the Nazi's and everything they did. And fuck them for ruining what was an awesome logo.
6) Sri Lanka: What's better than a dragon than a lion-dragon thingy holding a knife! Bonus points for the crazy colors.
7) Nepal: Apparently the rectangular fabric store was closed the day it was designed.
Top 7 Never-Printed Family Circus Plots
1) The one where Jeffy gets kidnapped by the creepy neighbor.
2) The one where Bill beats Thelma and the kids for ruining his life.
3) The one where Dolly accidentally puts the car in reverse, running over the family dog.
4) The one where the kids age.
5) The one that shows a minority.
6) The one where Thelma admits that P.J. was a failed abortion.
7) The one that's actually funny.
Top 7 Overrated Rock Bands
1) Aerosmith: I don't want to walk this way or that.
2) The Doors: Die Jim Morrison. Well, at least you did that right.
3) U2: Bono's toned it back a bit in recent years, but have they really done much good since the 1980's?
4) Nirvana: Everyone (including me) has had a Nirvana phase. Some great stuff, but how many shit bands did they influence? And ask yourself this: If Cobain hadn't died, how many more albums could he do that sounded like they did without people getting sick of them.
5) Pink Floyd: Sorry, but 3 great albums don't excuse all the crap.
6) The Eagles: A few great hits, a LOT of crap.
7) Van Halen: How they ever got as popular as they did will never cease to amaze.
Top 7 Shows That Were Cancelled Too Soon
1) Firefly
2) Animaniacs
3) Andy Richter Controls the Universe
4) The Chevy Chase Show: A week, guys, really?!
5) Enterprise: It was just getting good.
6) Reading Rainbow: Fuck you, illiterate youth!
7) Eek the Cat: Meet Halley, Acorn, Steven Junior, Gunther, and my lovely wife, SUUUUUZAN
Top 7 Awesome Smells
1) Libraries: C'mon, there's something awesome about the smell of musty paper and rows upon rows of books.
2) Playdough: Try to contest this one
3) Pumpkin Spice Donut: See Also: Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Anything
4) Fresh Basil (still on plant): Mix with lemon for orgasmic scent
5) Beer mash: Before it's beer, it's a mushy brown mash of grains and boiling water that smells like a cross between bread and awesome.
6) Ice Hockey Rink: Seriously, go smell it. I don't know what the chemical is, but it's amazing.
7) New York City: Olfactory Overload
Top 7 Books that NEED to be written (and some that could never be)
1) Comprehensive History of the Eisenhower Interstate System: You could circle the world dozens of times with the pavement laid down in the 1950's and 1960's. It has to be worth a read.
2) Comprehensive History of the NYC Subway System: 700 miles of track under granite, swamp, and even river. The ultimate engineering marvel of the world.
3) Presidents and Polygraphs: Ask US Presidents questions while hooked up to a Polygraph. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Enjoy.
4) A Muslim's View of the Crusades: Go back in time, kidnap a Muslim leader during the invasions, let him write an autobiography.
5) Christ - The Autobiography: Would the holes in his hands keep him from properly holding a pen?
6) The History of Comfort Foods: The story behind who came up with foods like PB&J and Mac n Cheese. Seriously, just think about the combinations of food we eat.
7) The List Book: A book listing the greatest lists of all time. Who doesn't like lists? Communists, that' who.
Top 7 Candies Old People Like
1) Black Licorice: It's like beer. You can't enjoy it under a certain age.
2) Worther's Original: Awesomeness comes in a coffee flavored hunk of sugar.
3) Sugar-Free Lifesavers: Try the mixed berry ones.
4) After Dinner Mints: Those weird chalky mints you get at restaurants and grandparents houses have some great value
5) NECCO Wafers: Addictive despite how horrible they are
6) Spice Drops: The look of disappointment when a little kid thinks he's getting fruity candy and bites into a purple spice drop that tastes like licorice and mint makes these worthwhile.
7) Butterscotch Candies: If you haven't gotten and enjoyed one of these from someone over 50 you either don't have grandparents or don't hang out with pedophiles.
Top 7 Flags of the World
1) Britain' Union Jack: Even the French like this.
2) Libya: These fuckers were too lazy to actually design something, so they hung a plain green sheet.
3) Macedonia: Yellow sun with a red background sorta like a twisted old Japanese rising sun. Awesomeness.
4) Bhutan: Anyone who can get a dragon on their flag is okay by me.
5) Nazi Germany: Yeah, fuck the Nazi's and everything they did. And fuck them for ruining what was an awesome logo.
6) Sri Lanka: What's better than a dragon than a lion-dragon thingy holding a knife! Bonus points for the crazy colors.
7) Nepal: Apparently the rectangular fabric store was closed the day it was designed.
Top 7 Never-Printed Family Circus Plots
1) The one where Jeffy gets kidnapped by the creepy neighbor.
2) The one where Bill beats Thelma and the kids for ruining his life.
3) The one where Dolly accidentally puts the car in reverse, running over the family dog.
4) The one where the kids age.
5) The one that shows a minority.
6) The one where Thelma admits that P.J. was a failed abortion.
7) The one that's actually funny.
Top 7 Overrated Rock Bands
1) Aerosmith: I don't want to walk this way or that.
2) The Doors: Die Jim Morrison. Well, at least you did that right.
3) U2: Bono's toned it back a bit in recent years, but have they really done much good since the 1980's?
4) Nirvana: Everyone (including me) has had a Nirvana phase. Some great stuff, but how many shit bands did they influence? And ask yourself this: If Cobain hadn't died, how many more albums could he do that sounded like they did without people getting sick of them.
5) Pink Floyd: Sorry, but 3 great albums don't excuse all the crap.
6) The Eagles: A few great hits, a LOT of crap.
7) Van Halen: How they ever got as popular as they did will never cease to amaze.
Top 7 Shows That Were Cancelled Too Soon
1) Firefly
2) Animaniacs
3) Andy Richter Controls the Universe
4) The Chevy Chase Show: A week, guys, really?!
5) Enterprise: It was just getting good.
6) Reading Rainbow: Fuck you, illiterate youth!
7) Eek the Cat: Meet Halley, Acorn, Steven Junior, Gunther, and my lovely wife, SUUUUUZAN
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Musings of No Particular Importance
As an opinionated know-it-all, I am never short of things to discuss, which brings me to the following things that have been on my mind lately. They very in intensity and seriousness, mostly being utterly meaningless. In no particular order, here are my week's thoughts.
The NFL has hit a gold mine this season with the huge number of high-profile quarterbacks. I don't care much about NFL, but even I am tuning in.
House, M.D. has been incredible television for the start of the season. How they manage to keep the show watchable with the same diagnostic premises every week is a miracle of nature.
For reasons that I'm uncertain of, I've enjoyed the hell out of Flash Forward, despite it being a completely ridiculous premise.
My uncle Scott was generous enough to take me to the Red Sox game last Tuesday, which despite the loss, was a great time and a great game. He's always been good to me, but one-on-one, he's awesome.
The NYC subway system and the US Eisenhower interstate system are the two greatest achievements of mankind next to buffalo wings and ,lesbian porn.
The UConn library needs to let UConn alumni check out books. I could spend days in there reading history books, like I did when I was pledging. Of course, my GPA sucked but I knew lots about Freemasons and the Roman Army.
"Win" and "Fail" are so overused, but are the best slang to describe a positive and negative in a while. It certainly beats "SCORE!" Fuck you girl in Mrs. Cirillo's Writing and the Media Class who said that after anything even remotely good happened. "You got a C+ on your test." "SCORE!" "Hey, the lunch lady gave me an extra meatball. SCORE!" "Wow, the Bruins just put the puck in the net. SCORE!"
I shall be attending the Army vs. Vanderbilt football game on 10/10 with AHF and the folks. West Point is truly my favorite place in the East Coast to be. A certain ex-girlfriend's vagina would have been number one, but she's not in the East Coast anymore, and if memory serves, most men have had a harder time getting into West Point.
Yankees/Sox ALCS? Likely, but I honestly just don't care this year that much. Bigger things to worry about.
Hockey season has started, and I had no idea until 3 days in. It says something about that sport.
Why does Notre Dame still have a fan following?
Laws need to be changed to protect teachers in this country. No comment about my particular case, but I've been reading cases of teachers being blackballed out of the progression for doing nothing.
Does anyone know a good publisher or someone who I can get to knock on Pocket's door?
I've been painting Marty the Zebra from Madagascar for Emily. Expect a finish pic shortly.
I don't like following politics, but for a guy who ran on a centrist platform, Obama's about as Left as you can get without having your dick in a tree. This isn't wholly a bad thing, but his alienation of the Republican party could come back to bite him in the ass. Moreover, if it leads to a Republican in the White House before his healthcare plan has come to fruition, it could be 4 or 8 years of work wasted. Slightly scary. Nonetheless, he seems genuinely likeable, which is sifferent than the last guy.
WWE writing is really stagnant lately.
My fraternity brother Wilpat is being married in Madrid on November 28th. Sadly I'll be unable to attend, but wish him and Deb the best of luck.
I'll have more later, but here are some topics to get anyone reading this thinking.
B.Mo.
The NFL has hit a gold mine this season with the huge number of high-profile quarterbacks. I don't care much about NFL, but even I am tuning in.
House, M.D. has been incredible television for the start of the season. How they manage to keep the show watchable with the same diagnostic premises every week is a miracle of nature.
For reasons that I'm uncertain of, I've enjoyed the hell out of Flash Forward, despite it being a completely ridiculous premise.
My uncle Scott was generous enough to take me to the Red Sox game last Tuesday, which despite the loss, was a great time and a great game. He's always been good to me, but one-on-one, he's awesome.
The NYC subway system and the US Eisenhower interstate system are the two greatest achievements of mankind next to buffalo wings and ,lesbian porn.
The UConn library needs to let UConn alumni check out books. I could spend days in there reading history books, like I did when I was pledging. Of course, my GPA sucked but I knew lots about Freemasons and the Roman Army.
"Win" and "Fail" are so overused, but are the best slang to describe a positive and negative in a while. It certainly beats "SCORE!" Fuck you girl in Mrs. Cirillo's Writing and the Media Class who said that after anything even remotely good happened. "You got a C+ on your test." "SCORE!" "Hey, the lunch lady gave me an extra meatball. SCORE!" "Wow, the Bruins just put the puck in the net. SCORE!"
I shall be attending the Army vs. Vanderbilt football game on 10/10 with AHF and the folks. West Point is truly my favorite place in the East Coast to be. A certain ex-girlfriend's vagina would have been number one, but she's not in the East Coast anymore, and if memory serves, most men have had a harder time getting into West Point.
Yankees/Sox ALCS? Likely, but I honestly just don't care this year that much. Bigger things to worry about.
Hockey season has started, and I had no idea until 3 days in. It says something about that sport.
Why does Notre Dame still have a fan following?
Laws need to be changed to protect teachers in this country. No comment about my particular case, but I've been reading cases of teachers being blackballed out of the progression for doing nothing.
Does anyone know a good publisher or someone who I can get to knock on Pocket's door?
I've been painting Marty the Zebra from Madagascar for Emily. Expect a finish pic shortly.
I don't like following politics, but for a guy who ran on a centrist platform, Obama's about as Left as you can get without having your dick in a tree. This isn't wholly a bad thing, but his alienation of the Republican party could come back to bite him in the ass. Moreover, if it leads to a Republican in the White House before his healthcare plan has come to fruition, it could be 4 or 8 years of work wasted. Slightly scary. Nonetheless, he seems genuinely likeable, which is sifferent than the last guy.
WWE writing is really stagnant lately.
My fraternity brother Wilpat is being married in Madrid on November 28th. Sadly I'll be unable to attend, but wish him and Deb the best of luck.
I'll have more later, but here are some topics to get anyone reading this thinking.
B.Mo.
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