There are plenty of thigns to write about, but I'm just too lazy today. Instead, I present the following ideas and questions for your consideration.
1) I want to market a sleeveless snuggie: Direct it to white trash, mainly. Pattern/colors like lumberjack plaid, denim, orange hunting vest, camoflauge, Stars n Bars, etc.
2) Prince's "Purple and Gold" might be the worst fight song ever. But for those of you musically inclined, imagine that tune sped up 30% and put to a marching band. Might go from worst fight song ever to one of the best. Hidden genius right there.
3) American Idol auditions could be turned into a series on their own. Get the worst of the worst/best of the best and let them fight it out tournament style for a cash prize.
4) Is it more of a sin for a Patriot fan to route for the Jets or the Colts? Division rival or Manning? I wonder if this is how China felt during the later years of the Cold War betwen the US and Russia.
5) Why are there so many Jews in Freemasonry? Nothing anti-Semetic here, but the belief system of Judaism should preclude this, even though a lot of Masonic ritual is founded from various Jewish beliefs.
6) Who will the media support in the Super Bowl? Manning is their boy, but the Saints underdog/Katrina stories are the stuff sportscaster wet dreams are made of.
7) If they were real, who would be the most annoying comic strip to have to live with? Think about this: Most comics are filled with exceptionally annoying people and even the ones who are funny would be painful to live with. I'd die in a day if I had to live with Bill Keane's "Family Circus" and god help me if I was in a room with Kathy. Garfield, as unfunny as it is, might actually be better to live with. Tons of food, a neurotic guy to shit on, and a lovable dog.
8) Is "Who Dat?" the worst sports fan saying since "Cowboy Up"? Or one of the best since "We are Family"? Possibly both.
9) What would have happened if that quake struck Cuba and not Haiti? Talk about a load of fun.
10) Why is "Midget" offenseive to little people? I understand it's a specific form of dwarfism and doesn't describe every little person, but it's not derogatory. It's not like we're calling them Stool Users, Meter-Niggers, or Puddle Swimmers.
11) When will it become cool to be a guy and a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio. What was the last movie that he was bad in? Think about it, then answer me that.
12) Will fans of the original Star Trek become spiteful of people who now like Trek due to the new movie? It seems like the same as becoming a fan of classic football after watching the XFL.
13) Andre Dawson is going into the Baseball Hall of Fame this summer as an Expo, despite wanting to go in as a Cub. Fuck Wade Boggs for this one. His musing (even if it was sarcastic) about wanting to go into the HOF as a Tampa Bay Devil Ray is one of the things that caused the Hall of Fame to change the rules allowing players to chose what cap they wear on their plaque. When a player like Dawson waits 10+ years to get into the Hall, let him pick his own cap, so long as it's not clearly a bullshit political maneuver.
14) Afternoon tea is a tragically lost custom. Light snack with tea would do so much better than the standard 3-meal breakdown of American eats.
15) Fuck the History Channel for letting Larry the Cable Guy have a show on the network. History Channel. Larry the Cable Guy. Let that sink in.
That'll do for now.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Top Ten Favorite Albums
While driving back from horseback riding today, I was thinking how long it's been since I actually looked at a list of my top ten albums. I knew what most of them would be, but the nice thing about a list like this one is that it undertakes to quantify the unquantifiable. What my fascination with lists is, I'm not sure, but I'm clearly not the only person who likes them, based on a countless number of year end lists from every site under the .com sun.
When it comes to music lists (or any other ranking for that matter), there is nothing more frustrating than seeing people use convoluted systems involving numbers, equations, or any other method of objective reasoning to quantify something that should be wholly perspective. Hoping to avoid that, my method for creating my list is as follows: The album falls in that spot because I says it does. Capiche? Great.
I will of course qualify this list with the following in mind: This list includes studio albums. As a result many of my favorite artists will be left off. Jimmy Buffett, one of the greatest live musicians I will ever have the pleasure of seeing, doesn't make spectacular studio albums, aside from a track or two per album. (Yeah, the "They're better live!" excuse usually means the band sucks, I know.) KISS, another favorite, has a ton of great hits, but similarly fail to produce one particular album that really blows me away, aside from their Unplugged album and a few compilations. Even Black Sabbath, one of my all time favorite bands, has five or six fantastic studio albums, but all of them lack something to put them on the same level as the top ten albums.
And now presenting, my top ten favorite albums of all time, in order.
10. Killing Joke - Night Time
Create a killer techno beat that would fit into any great pop song of the 1980's. Add some synths, choppy guitar riffs, and killer bass lines that would have made even the most stiff and unenergetic person want to dance. Then throw some distortion on those guitars, give the song some depressing lyrics, and to completely turn the song upside down, have them sung by a face-paint wearing Brit with a throat made of gravel, steel, and some smoldering coal embers.
Do that eight times and you have Night Time, the fifth album by post-punk group Killing Joke.
My number ten selection, this album is a mainstay in my gym music rotation. Jaz Coleman (vocals) and Geordie Walker (guitars) take amazing techno-style beats and grind out gut wrenching riffs and deep throaty vocals on this amazing album. Heavy and brooding, the album pounds its way through forty minutes of great hooks and energetic beats, and is solidly anchored by a great title track, club hit "Love Like Blood," and the killer "Eighties" which served as the inspiration for Nirvana's hit "Come as you Are."
It's not for everyone, but the unique sound of the album makes it memorable and enjoyable despite the brooding feel to the album. So long as there is a need for me to get my aggression out at the gym, I will hold Night Time in high esteem.
9. Metallica - Master of Puppets
Long before they were known for the Napster debacle and even before their 3 year marathon of brutality known as the Black Album world tour, Metallica revolutionized thrashy metal in the 80's. Influenced by the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM), Metallica represented everything that was right about 80's metal; a direct antithesis of shallow hair-metal bands like Poison and even the once-revered Def Leppard. Pounding, heavy, and thrashing, the first three Metallica albums represent something almost unheard of to the mainstream audience before.
Master of Puppets, the third in these albums, represents the peak of heavy metal in the 80's': loud, angry, and often depressing, the band thunders through tracks like "Battery," "Sanitarium," and the grandiose title track creating an adrenaline pumping thrill ride of the album. The album has become another of my gym favorites for its pulsing drums and aggressive lyrics, but also an amazingly listenable metal album with a killer instrumental track in "Orion," spooky horror-film lyrics of "The Thing That Should Not Be" and the angry war-lamenting "Disposable Heroes." Capping off the killer album is arguably Metallica's heaviest and angriest song, "Damage Inc."
I'll be the first to admit that fans of the metal genre have every right to argue that Ride the Lighting is as good if not better of an album; a bit thrashier and speedier throughout. For me, this album is set apart by the fact that the band really shows maturity in Master of Puppets; a natural progression from Kill 'Em All and Ride the Lightning, and a more complete and complex work.
Well over two decades after first loving this album, I still find myself playing the album regularly. Even with a rather depressing undertone to it, fun rockers like "Darlington County" and "Working on the Highway" keep the mood light enough to be enjoyable. The true stand out on the album, though, is the ultimate song about friendship, "No Surrender," with a message so powerful, The Boss himself can be seen holding back tears when performing a stripped down acoustic version of the song live. Powerful and memorable
7. Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
How many times is too many when it comes to playing an album? Ask my college roommate Mark and he'd probably answer "However many times Moore played Oasis, minus a couple hundred." From summer of 2002 to summer of 2003, I'd be willing to guess this album was played 250-300 times. At the time, something about it caught me. Melodic and hard rocking, fun and bombastic, Morning Glory epitomized everything I wanted to hear in an album at the time.
I might have been six years late in discovering this work of genius, and I may have overplayed it considerably, but I still love this album completely. From the famous "Wonderwall" and Lennon inspired "Don't Look Back in Anger," the album was the pinnacle of Brit Pop-Rock in the mid-90's. A hugely fun album in parts ("She's Electric") and as heavy as anything ever written in others ("Morning Glory") the album begins with a bang ("Hello") and ends with an even bigger bang ("Champagne Supernova"). In the middle of those bombastic bookends are a whole lot of great songs. Killer lyrics in songs like "Cast No Shadow" and cheeky little tributes to men who influenced Oasis (something great about Gary Glitter's background voice "It's good to be back; good to be back" in the opening track), keep the album as enjoyable to me now as ever before.
Even though the band's first album Definitely Maybe might be a bit more listenable on a daily basis for its frantic feel and aggressive punk undertones, (What's the Story) Morning Glory? will forever remain a must have in my often changing playlist.
6. Bob Dylan - Modern Times
It makes absolutely no sense for one of the most respected artists of all time with a career now spanning 6 decades to produce the greatest album of his career over forty years after he became famous. Yet in 2006, to my amazement, Bob Dylan did just that. Modern Times, an album written in the style of so many classic blues and folk artists who paved the way for modern rock and blues, is a true masterpiece. Each song on the album was individually designed to emulate the style of an artist who inspired Dylan, ranging from a Chuck Berry-esque blues shuffle "Thunder on the Mountain" (actually meant to emulate "Ma Rainey" a song by Memphis Minnie) to the slow and mellow "When the Deal Goes Down" which was inspired by a Bing Crosby song.
In spite of, and in may ways, because of, Dylan's gravelly voice and painfully simplistic lead guitar skills, the album packs a musical wallop. His backing band is as tight as any band ever assembled and the musicianship is superb throughout. There are no real slow points to the album, and the aforementioned "Thunder on the Mountain" to start and the final mournful track "Ain't Talkin'" stand out as highlights and help to frame an amazing piece of musical genius that continues to astound me every time I hear it.
5. Little Feat - Dixie Chicken
Lowell George's Little Feat might be one of the best bands that most people won't listen to. Taking the best of blues, R&B, country, and southern-fried rock, Little Feat have been producing quality tracks since the 1970's that work in both the studio and live format.
Dixie Chicken, the band's third effort, debuted in 1973 to little public fanfare, but managed to secure a loyal following. The title track is a catchy and fun song worthy of a crowd sing-along any blues club and will forever hold good memories for a variety of reasons. Equally pleasing is the second track "Two Trains," a song about a love triangle that just isn't working. The piece de resistance of the album, though, is "Fat Man in the Bathtub" a humorous yet genuine and passionate love song, that as my friend, former colleague, and jazz musician Ron Prairie notes, "[Is great because] Lowell George sings his fucking brains out on the song."
Even some of the more self-indulgent tracks like a cover of Allan Toussaint's "All the Way Down" and the flourishing "Juliette" are praiseworthy. Fortunately I'm not the only one to love this album, as nearly every song on it has been played live long after Lowell George's untimely 1979 death. What really helps to give this album a solid place at number 5 on my list, though, is the fact that the entire album flows together remarkably well. Only the slightest bit of a slowdown towards the middle of the album (picked right back up by "Fat Man") keeps this from ascending to an even higher position.
Music is such a subjective thing. I will almost never criticize someone for disliking a particular band or artist, as I am guilty of hating a lot of artists that are considered classics. To that end, I will almost never get defensive when someone criticizes my own taste. There is only one exception. This album. Read this carefully, because the following statement is not subjective. It is not open for debate. Socrates himself can suck a fat piece of hemlock should he ever come alive and dare to debate what I am about to say: Exile on Main St. is the greatest musical work ever recorded. There is no reasoning against it. Exile on Main St. is the greatest musical work ever recorded.
If a great album flows together, an exceptional album tells a story; a soundtrack to an unmade movie. Exile on Main St., the 1972 masterpiece of masterpieces, might be the soundtrack to a movie so powerful, so bleak, so emotionally packed, that the greatest storytellers of all time could not properly create it. The album is an absolute bit of perfection, and comes with a lore that transcends music.
Think of the famed competition between Brunelleschi and Giberti to create the famed Florence Baptistry doors, the logistics involved in building the Statue of Liberty, or the decades old competition to build the world's tallest building: The mystique of a masterpice is often rooted in the story behind its creation as it is in the appreciation of the finished work. In the case of Exile, the album's place in the pantheon of musical perfection is made all the more interesting by the incredible unlikelihood of of the album's success. An album faced with a multitude of detriments, Exile exists paridoxically as both a monumental achievement in music and an example of how not to record a successful album.
Rather than a dedicated studio work, much of the album was recorded over a four year period between 1968 and 1972. Many of these songs were written and recorded to be put on earlier albums, but never were released, largely due to an unwillingness by Jagger and Richards' to release tracks like "Sweet Virginia" under their old ABKCO label. A majority of songs saw fruition in Mick Jagger's home studio and the famed Olympic Studios between 1969 and 1971, during various recording sessions, never intended to come together as an album. It was not until mid-1971 after the Rolling Stones left ABKCO was any thought given to production of a new album.
Even then, production of Exile was an arduus process, often involving sessions missing key members including an increasingly frustrated Bill Wyman on bass and a heroin-addicted Keith Richards. Even Mick Jagger was not present during early recording tracks in England, and did not take charge of the album until a move to Los Angeles studios in later 1971. So disjointed was the production that Richards would often fill in on bass recordings in place of Wyman, and guest artists originally intended to be on the album such as Graham Parsons were left off due to creative differences, logistical difficulties, or issues related to substance abuse and disruptive behavior.
From the opening track, "Rocks Off" the album is hard rocking yet somewhat minimalist. No crazy flourishes, big orchrestra sound like in "Moonlight Mile," and no nonsense. In many ways it is bleak; raw and edgy. Getting off to a hot start, "Rip this Joint" is another edgy rocker that fades into "Shake your Hips" and "Casino Boogie" a pair of slower but just as raw sounding tunes that suck the listener into the album. Side one of the double album is finished with "Tumblin Dice" a masterful bluesy rocker lamenting women.
Side two is every bit as strong as the opener, with the sing-along worthy "Sweet Virginia,"
a sleazy little number to a woman who may or may not have ever existed. This is followed by "Torn and Frayed," another bluesy song, sweet and melodic, seemingly a mirror of some of the struggles faced by the Stones over their career. Next comes "Sweet Black Angel" a song that feels like it could have been sung by a prison chain gang, actually written by an imprisoned civil rights activist accused of murder. Finishing side two is one of the sweetest love songs ever written, a romantic and poetic plea to a woman from a desiring man, "Loving Cup." Powerful and touching, "Loving Cup" has some of the greatest lyrics ever penned by the Stones, with the plea "Well I am nitty gritty and my shirt's all torn, but I would love to spill the beans with you til dawn, " coming as funny, genuine, and utterly brilliant.
The emotional release of "Loving Cup" is followed by more edginess on side three of the album, starting with "Happy," a Keith Richards sung rocker with a beautiful Open-G tuned blues riff about a man who just wants some love. The chaotic "Turd on the Run" is funny and scathing while "Ventilator Blues" is as mean sounding a blues song as has ever been written; harsh and raw, edgy and tough. The riffs on all of these songs are catchy, memorable, and delightfully simplistic. Following these are a stripped down gospel bit, "Just Wanna See His Face" and what really becomes the emotional climax of the album, "Let is Loose."
So sad and powerful is "Let it Loose," that multiple listenings are necessary to even begin to capture the emotion of this song. Mick's voice is forlorn and soulful, with a simple guitar riff mirroring his pain and piano further highlighting it. Backing vocals add to the epic feel of the song, providing more doleful power to the effort. As a stand alone, the song is almost too powerful to ever work as a single, but instead provides a huge release to the emotion building up upon the album, and might very well be the best bit of songwriting in the Stones' catalogue.
Had the album ended with "Let it Loose," it would easily earn the top spot as the best album of all time, but the Stones keep pushing. The begining of side four, "All Down the Line" seems to say to the listener "Yeah, we're drained to, so fuck it, lets have some fun." It's straight up rock with more love-themed lyrics and asks one of the most honest questions about love ever written; "Won't ya be my little baby for a while?" Robert Johnson's blues standard "Stop Breaking Down" follows, again raw and rough, with choppy guitars that continue to help the album move along and bring the listener further along the emotional journey.
The penultimate song on the album, "Shine a Light" feels as if it could have been written by a dying person looking back on his life, pleading to the listener to make the most out of life. Borderline religious, and actually a tribute to departed bandmate Brian Jones, "Shine a Light" later became the namesake to a Martin Scorsese film about the Stones, and brings a rich gospel feel with organs and piano.
Capping off the album is "Soul Survivor," which is a perfect end to the masterpiece. Bleak and once again raw, it laments a woman and finishes the album with the lyrics "You're gonna be the death of me." In a way it is ironic, because finishing the album leaves the listener with an accomplishment of not only surviving the emotional 67 mintue journey, but coming away as changed as a person can be by an album.
The complete work simply must be heard. I had earlier called Sticky Fingers an all star album. To continue with a sports reference, if Sticky Fingers was a team of assembled all stars, then Exile on Main St. would be a collection of the top athletes of all time. I often find myself deciding if an album is good by comparing it to other albums. In the case of Exile, there is simply nothing to compare it to. Honest, unassuming, and as close to perfection as any piece of artwork can come, Exile on Main St. stands alone as untouchable in the world of music, and easily becomes my favorite album of all time.
When it comes to music lists (or any other ranking for that matter), there is nothing more frustrating than seeing people use convoluted systems involving numbers, equations, or any other method of objective reasoning to quantify something that should be wholly perspective. Hoping to avoid that, my method for creating my list is as follows: The album falls in that spot because I says it does. Capiche? Great.
I will of course qualify this list with the following in mind: This list includes studio albums. As a result many of my favorite artists will be left off. Jimmy Buffett, one of the greatest live musicians I will ever have the pleasure of seeing, doesn't make spectacular studio albums, aside from a track or two per album. (Yeah, the "They're better live!" excuse usually means the band sucks, I know.) KISS, another favorite, has a ton of great hits, but similarly fail to produce one particular album that really blows me away, aside from their Unplugged album and a few compilations. Even Black Sabbath, one of my all time favorite bands, has five or six fantastic studio albums, but all of them lack something to put them on the same level as the top ten albums.
And now presenting, my top ten favorite albums of all time, in order.
10. Killing Joke - Night Time
Create a killer techno beat that would fit into any great pop song of the 1980's. Add some synths, choppy guitar riffs, and killer bass lines that would have made even the most stiff and unenergetic person want to dance. Then throw some distortion on those guitars, give the song some depressing lyrics, and to completely turn the song upside down, have them sung by a face-paint wearing Brit with a throat made of gravel, steel, and some smoldering coal embers.
Do that eight times and you have Night Time, the fifth album by post-punk group Killing Joke.
My number ten selection, this album is a mainstay in my gym music rotation. Jaz Coleman (vocals) and Geordie Walker (guitars) take amazing techno-style beats and grind out gut wrenching riffs and deep throaty vocals on this amazing album. Heavy and brooding, the album pounds its way through forty minutes of great hooks and energetic beats, and is solidly anchored by a great title track, club hit "Love Like Blood," and the killer "Eighties" which served as the inspiration for Nirvana's hit "Come as you Are."
It's not for everyone, but the unique sound of the album makes it memorable and enjoyable despite the brooding feel to the album. So long as there is a need for me to get my aggression out at the gym, I will hold Night Time in high esteem.
9. Metallica - Master of Puppets
Long before they were known for the Napster debacle and even before their 3 year marathon of brutality known as the Black Album world tour, Metallica revolutionized thrashy metal in the 80's. Influenced by the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM), Metallica represented everything that was right about 80's metal; a direct antithesis of shallow hair-metal bands like Poison and even the once-revered Def Leppard. Pounding, heavy, and thrashing, the first three Metallica albums represent something almost unheard of to the mainstream audience before.
Master of Puppets, the third in these albums, represents the peak of heavy metal in the 80's': loud, angry, and often depressing, the band thunders through tracks like "Battery," "Sanitarium," and the grandiose title track creating an adrenaline pumping thrill ride of the album. The album has become another of my gym favorites for its pulsing drums and aggressive lyrics, but also an amazingly listenable metal album with a killer instrumental track in "Orion," spooky horror-film lyrics of "The Thing That Should Not Be" and the angry war-lamenting "Disposable Heroes." Capping off the killer album is arguably Metallica's heaviest and angriest song, "Damage Inc."
I'll be the first to admit that fans of the metal genre have every right to argue that Ride the Lighting is as good if not better of an album; a bit thrashier and speedier throughout. For me, this album is set apart by the fact that the band really shows maturity in Master of Puppets; a natural progression from Kill 'Em All and Ride the Lightning, and a more complete and complex work.
8. Bruce Springsteen - Born in the U.S.A.
When I started thinking about my list, I knew I simply had to include this album, if for no reason than it being a largely a sentimental pick. The more I considered it, however, Born in the U.S.A. gets inclusion on my list for more than just nostalgia purposes.
Considered by many fans of "The Boss" as the point where he jumped the proverbial shark, Born in the U.S.A. was the first album I ever remember as a young child. At the age of four, I could be seen strumming a broom stick to the hard rocking title track, wholly unaware the tune was lamenting the death of the American dream. So much of the album, in fact, disguises an incredible feelings of loss and a nostalgic desire for a time past, behind uptempo beats, loud guitar, and excellent production values. Only when carefully listening to songs like "I'm Goin' Down," "Glory Days," and "Dancing in the Dark" does one really detect the pain of loss that the album reflects.Well over two decades after first loving this album, I still find myself playing the album regularly. Even with a rather depressing undertone to it, fun rockers like "Darlington County" and "Working on the Highway" keep the mood light enough to be enjoyable. The true stand out on the album, though, is the ultimate song about friendship, "No Surrender," with a message so powerful, The Boss himself can be seen holding back tears when performing a stripped down acoustic version of the song live. Powerful and memorable
7. Oasis - (What's the Story) Morning Glory?
How many times is too many when it comes to playing an album? Ask my college roommate Mark and he'd probably answer "However many times Moore played Oasis, minus a couple hundred." From summer of 2002 to summer of 2003, I'd be willing to guess this album was played 250-300 times. At the time, something about it caught me. Melodic and hard rocking, fun and bombastic, Morning Glory epitomized everything I wanted to hear in an album at the time.
I might have been six years late in discovering this work of genius, and I may have overplayed it considerably, but I still love this album completely. From the famous "Wonderwall" and Lennon inspired "Don't Look Back in Anger," the album was the pinnacle of Brit Pop-Rock in the mid-90's. A hugely fun album in parts ("She's Electric") and as heavy as anything ever written in others ("Morning Glory") the album begins with a bang ("Hello") and ends with an even bigger bang ("Champagne Supernova"). In the middle of those bombastic bookends are a whole lot of great songs. Killer lyrics in songs like "Cast No Shadow" and cheeky little tributes to men who influenced Oasis (something great about Gary Glitter's background voice "It's good to be back; good to be back" in the opening track), keep the album as enjoyable to me now as ever before.
Even though the band's first album Definitely Maybe might be a bit more listenable on a daily basis for its frantic feel and aggressive punk undertones, (What's the Story) Morning Glory? will forever remain a must have in my often changing playlist.
6. Bob Dylan - Modern Times
It makes absolutely no sense for one of the most respected artists of all time with a career now spanning 6 decades to produce the greatest album of his career over forty years after he became famous. Yet in 2006, to my amazement, Bob Dylan did just that. Modern Times, an album written in the style of so many classic blues and folk artists who paved the way for modern rock and blues, is a true masterpiece. Each song on the album was individually designed to emulate the style of an artist who inspired Dylan, ranging from a Chuck Berry-esque blues shuffle "Thunder on the Mountain" (actually meant to emulate "Ma Rainey" a song by Memphis Minnie) to the slow and mellow "When the Deal Goes Down" which was inspired by a Bing Crosby song.
In spite of, and in may ways, because of, Dylan's gravelly voice and painfully simplistic lead guitar skills, the album packs a musical wallop. His backing band is as tight as any band ever assembled and the musicianship is superb throughout. There are no real slow points to the album, and the aforementioned "Thunder on the Mountain" to start and the final mournful track "Ain't Talkin'" stand out as highlights and help to frame an amazing piece of musical genius that continues to astound me every time I hear it.
5. Little Feat - Dixie Chicken
Lowell George's Little Feat might be one of the best bands that most people won't listen to. Taking the best of blues, R&B, country, and southern-fried rock, Little Feat have been producing quality tracks since the 1970's that work in both the studio and live format.
Dixie Chicken, the band's third effort, debuted in 1973 to little public fanfare, but managed to secure a loyal following. The title track is a catchy and fun song worthy of a crowd sing-along any blues club and will forever hold good memories for a variety of reasons. Equally pleasing is the second track "Two Trains," a song about a love triangle that just isn't working. The piece de resistance of the album, though, is "Fat Man in the Bathtub" a humorous yet genuine and passionate love song, that as my friend, former colleague, and jazz musician Ron Prairie notes, "[Is great because] Lowell George sings his fucking brains out on the song."
Even some of the more self-indulgent tracks like a cover of Allan Toussaint's "All the Way Down" and the flourishing "Juliette" are praiseworthy. Fortunately I'm not the only one to love this album, as nearly every song on it has been played live long after Lowell George's untimely 1979 death. What really helps to give this album a solid place at number 5 on my list, though, is the fact that the entire album flows together remarkably well. Only the slightest bit of a slowdown towards the middle of the album (picked right back up by "Fat Man") keeps this from ascending to an even higher position.
4. The Rolling Stones - Sticky Fingers
Talk about an all-star album, from the opening track "Brown Sugar" to "Sister Morphine," the bleak and desolate tale of opiate addiction, to the beautiful and haunting "Moonlight Mile", Sticky Fingers, is all that I like about an album. It is hard rocking, lyrically deep, fun in parts while soul-crushing in others.
Mick's vocals are in top form along with the guitar skills of Keith Richards and Mick Taylor, providing every song with unparalleled energy. The underrated "Sway" and my all time favorite song, "Dead Flowers" are highlights of this album, but really, there are no low points. Even the sad and inconsolable "I Got the Blues" is smile-worthy for it's genuine sound.
In the dozens of times I've heard this album, I always manage to find a particular facet of it that I have forgotten about or never noticed before. Marble-mouthed in "Sway" and the funny jam "Bitch," Jagger keeps you listening, if for no other reason than trying to discern his vocals. Even the goofball over-exaggerated country drawl in the above-mentioned "Dead Flowers" and blues twang of "You Gotta Move" keep me laughing and serve to add charm to an already amazing album. I've never grown sick of hearing this champ of an album.
3. Neil Young - Comes a TimeFor more than 40 years, Neil Young has been the ultimate in work-horse rock stars, churning out albums at a break neck pace. Of course, this can be good or bad, depending on who you ask. To find any relevant albums you likely have to go back twenty years to the hard rocking albums Freedom and Ragged Glory. Some might even argue going back a full decade beyond that to 1979's Rust Never Sleeps. All three are incredible albums, every bit as good as his early works like Everybody Knows this is Nowhere, After the Gold Rush, and of course his biggest commercial hit, Harvest.
Every single one of those albums has tremendous appeal and are all excellent albums in their own right. However, none of them do as much for me on whole as Comes a Time, the 1978 acoustic album that might be as close to perfection as Neil has ever come. Acoustic almost the whole way through, the album is sweet, melodic, and flows incredibly smoothly. Opening track "Going Back" has a Harvest feel to it, replete with an orchestra behind it and great backing vocals. The second track, the album's namesake is one of Neil's most solid acoustic numbers and a duet with the hugely underrated Nicolette Larson in her finest form. The next two tracks, "Look out for my Love" and "Lotta Love" (the latter was later turned into a disco hit for the aforementioned Larson) continue with the charming acoustic feel, before the album delves into a slightly more reflective bit.
Working to make the album even more memorable is the incredibly fun and slightly sleazy blues rocker "Motorcycle Mama." Larson's vocals absolutely explode on the track, and scarily, they sound like they might have been muted slightly in the mixing. You'll have to search long and hard to find more powerful and fun vocals. Even more enjoyable than the repetitive and somewhat spooky blues pattern are the funny lyrics including one of the funniest entendres ever written: "I see your box is open and your flag is up." The album wraps up with a cover of the Ian Tyson's "Four Strong Winds," a song Neil has played live with a number of artists including The Band and Willie Nelson.
Really this album could be interchanged with the number two album that I am about to review: It is smooth, melodic, well written, and has such an easy flow to it, that it comes together to form a truly complete masterpiece.
2. Queen - Sheer Heart Attack
As I've mentioned before, any great album has the ability of it's songs to flow together to become a complete work. Call it synergy or just good story telling, Queen's third studio album Sheer Heart Attack has a flow worth of song, and a collection of songs that just seem to flow. From the opening riff of "Brighton Rock" Queen seems to dispense with some of the unnecessarily complex progressive rythyms and mythical lyrics that held down its first to albums. Instead, Sheer Heart Attack mixes tremendous hard rock riffs with flourishing with bombastic yet light hearted and fun flourishes of vocal harmonies.
The ever-popular "Killer Queen" is the second selection on the album, and clearly influenced many future pop songs with its catchy piano and rich harmonies. The next three tracks, "Tenement Funster," "Flick of the Wrist," and "Lily of the Valley," seem to work almost as one long prog rock masterpiece, repleat with a crunchy guitar riff flat slowly morphs into a frantic rocker before dying out as a soft and sweet piano number that once again capture vocal harmonies at their best. Finishing off what might be one of the strongest A-Sides to an album ever is the over the top and exhilirating rocker "Now I'm Here," that repeats Brigton Rock's delayed guitar and vocal riffs and adds in exploding percussion to seemingly finish off the album's A-Side with an emotional outpour of a finale.
In many ways, the first six songs of Sheer Heart Attack are so complete, that had they been released as an EP, it could be argued as one of the greatest EP's ever. Instead, the album treats us to a second side. The flow of the album almost acknowledges that the emotional climax of the album has already been released and the rest is extra. This is not to say I find the second part of the album less important or enjoyable, but rather, see it as bonus "fun time." And fun it is, with the operatic "Lap of the Gods" and hard rock staple "Stone Cold Crazy" providing a solid start to the second half of the album, before one of the band's most underrated songs, "Misfire" is heard. A fun and playful guitar song with incredible falcetto vocals, "Misfire" is catchy and worthy of a single in its own right.
Finishing off Queen's masterful album is "Stormtrooper in Stilettos" a melodic and bombastic ballad, that serves to wrap up the bulk of the album, only to be followed by a reprise of "Lap of the Gods," which serves more as a sort of "closing credits" to the album than as a true piece of the bit of genius that is Sheer Heart Attack.
What I find truly incredible about this album is how well it translates to modern day. In fact, throw these songs in front of Lady Gaga and see how she'd change them. My guess she wouldn't change much, as they're right up her ally. Now give the album to Muse and tell them the same. I bet you wouldn't see much different either. Listen to it and you'll know what I'm talking about. This album is as close to perfect as it comes, with a light shining so bright, it only dims compared to one album, the greatest album of all time.
1. The Rolling Stones - Exile on Main StreetMusic is such a subjective thing. I will almost never criticize someone for disliking a particular band or artist, as I am guilty of hating a lot of artists that are considered classics. To that end, I will almost never get defensive when someone criticizes my own taste. There is only one exception. This album. Read this carefully, because the following statement is not subjective. It is not open for debate. Socrates himself can suck a fat piece of hemlock should he ever come alive and dare to debate what I am about to say: Exile on Main St. is the greatest musical work ever recorded. There is no reasoning against it. Exile on Main St. is the greatest musical work ever recorded.
If a great album flows together, an exceptional album tells a story; a soundtrack to an unmade movie. Exile on Main St., the 1972 masterpiece of masterpieces, might be the soundtrack to a movie so powerful, so bleak, so emotionally packed, that the greatest storytellers of all time could not properly create it. The album is an absolute bit of perfection, and comes with a lore that transcends music.
Think of the famed competition between Brunelleschi and Giberti to create the famed Florence Baptistry doors, the logistics involved in building the Statue of Liberty, or the decades old competition to build the world's tallest building: The mystique of a masterpice is often rooted in the story behind its creation as it is in the appreciation of the finished work. In the case of Exile, the album's place in the pantheon of musical perfection is made all the more interesting by the incredible unlikelihood of of the album's success. An album faced with a multitude of detriments, Exile exists paridoxically as both a monumental achievement in music and an example of how not to record a successful album.
Rather than a dedicated studio work, much of the album was recorded over a four year period between 1968 and 1972. Many of these songs were written and recorded to be put on earlier albums, but never were released, largely due to an unwillingness by Jagger and Richards' to release tracks like "Sweet Virginia" under their old ABKCO label. A majority of songs saw fruition in Mick Jagger's home studio and the famed Olympic Studios between 1969 and 1971, during various recording sessions, never intended to come together as an album. It was not until mid-1971 after the Rolling Stones left ABKCO was any thought given to production of a new album.
Even then, production of Exile was an arduus process, often involving sessions missing key members including an increasingly frustrated Bill Wyman on bass and a heroin-addicted Keith Richards. Even Mick Jagger was not present during early recording tracks in England, and did not take charge of the album until a move to Los Angeles studios in later 1971. So disjointed was the production that Richards would often fill in on bass recordings in place of Wyman, and guest artists originally intended to be on the album such as Graham Parsons were left off due to creative differences, logistical difficulties, or issues related to substance abuse and disruptive behavior.
From the opening track, "Rocks Off" the album is hard rocking yet somewhat minimalist. No crazy flourishes, big orchrestra sound like in "Moonlight Mile," and no nonsense. In many ways it is bleak; raw and edgy. Getting off to a hot start, "Rip this Joint" is another edgy rocker that fades into "Shake your Hips" and "Casino Boogie" a pair of slower but just as raw sounding tunes that suck the listener into the album. Side one of the double album is finished with "Tumblin Dice" a masterful bluesy rocker lamenting women.
Side two is every bit as strong as the opener, with the sing-along worthy "Sweet Virginia,"
a sleazy little number to a woman who may or may not have ever existed. This is followed by "Torn and Frayed," another bluesy song, sweet and melodic, seemingly a mirror of some of the struggles faced by the Stones over their career. Next comes "Sweet Black Angel" a song that feels like it could have been sung by a prison chain gang, actually written by an imprisoned civil rights activist accused of murder. Finishing side two is one of the sweetest love songs ever written, a romantic and poetic plea to a woman from a desiring man, "Loving Cup." Powerful and touching, "Loving Cup" has some of the greatest lyrics ever penned by the Stones, with the plea "Well I am nitty gritty and my shirt's all torn, but I would love to spill the beans with you til dawn, " coming as funny, genuine, and utterly brilliant.
The emotional release of "Loving Cup" is followed by more edginess on side three of the album, starting with "Happy," a Keith Richards sung rocker with a beautiful Open-G tuned blues riff about a man who just wants some love. The chaotic "Turd on the Run" is funny and scathing while "Ventilator Blues" is as mean sounding a blues song as has ever been written; harsh and raw, edgy and tough. The riffs on all of these songs are catchy, memorable, and delightfully simplistic. Following these are a stripped down gospel bit, "Just Wanna See His Face" and what really becomes the emotional climax of the album, "Let is Loose."
So sad and powerful is "Let it Loose," that multiple listenings are necessary to even begin to capture the emotion of this song. Mick's voice is forlorn and soulful, with a simple guitar riff mirroring his pain and piano further highlighting it. Backing vocals add to the epic feel of the song, providing more doleful power to the effort. As a stand alone, the song is almost too powerful to ever work as a single, but instead provides a huge release to the emotion building up upon the album, and might very well be the best bit of songwriting in the Stones' catalogue.
Had the album ended with "Let it Loose," it would easily earn the top spot as the best album of all time, but the Stones keep pushing. The begining of side four, "All Down the Line" seems to say to the listener "Yeah, we're drained to, so fuck it, lets have some fun." It's straight up rock with more love-themed lyrics and asks one of the most honest questions about love ever written; "Won't ya be my little baby for a while?" Robert Johnson's blues standard "Stop Breaking Down" follows, again raw and rough, with choppy guitars that continue to help the album move along and bring the listener further along the emotional journey.
The penultimate song on the album, "Shine a Light" feels as if it could have been written by a dying person looking back on his life, pleading to the listener to make the most out of life. Borderline religious, and actually a tribute to departed bandmate Brian Jones, "Shine a Light" later became the namesake to a Martin Scorsese film about the Stones, and brings a rich gospel feel with organs and piano.
Capping off the album is "Soul Survivor," which is a perfect end to the masterpiece. Bleak and once again raw, it laments a woman and finishes the album with the lyrics "You're gonna be the death of me." In a way it is ironic, because finishing the album leaves the listener with an accomplishment of not only surviving the emotional 67 mintue journey, but coming away as changed as a person can be by an album.
The complete work simply must be heard. I had earlier called Sticky Fingers an all star album. To continue with a sports reference, if Sticky Fingers was a team of assembled all stars, then Exile on Main St. would be a collection of the top athletes of all time. I often find myself deciding if an album is good by comparing it to other albums. In the case of Exile, there is simply nothing to compare it to. Honest, unassuming, and as close to perfection as any piece of artwork can come, Exile on Main St. stands alone as untouchable in the world of music, and easily becomes my favorite album of all time.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Jim Rice and the Hall of Fame
Andre Dawson was elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame today, which is great. Really, though, it marks the one year since Boston's own Jim Rice made it into the Hall of Fame. In the past 16 months, it marks one of the truly joyous moments of what has become a rather dismal life of regret, uncertainty, and the general feeling of impending doom. I was not only thrilled for Rice and for the Red Sox in general, but for myself, as it meant that I'd be able to get up to Cooperstown in July with Bouras; a trip we'd planned to make since we met each other back in 2005.
Unfortunately, when then time game in July, James was unable to make it due to work (which I don't blame him for, and am honestly a bit envious that he has a career he loves), which left me without anyone to head to Cooperstown with. Without hesitation, my father stepped in, volunteering the morning of the induction to leave the house at quarter of 7 in the morning, driving all the way out to Cooperstown (4 hours), sit in the sun to see Rice get elected, and then drive back.
The day was marked by a nearly 3 mile walk each way, to and from, the parking lot we chose to the field, on-and-off rain, and high humidity. Without complaint, he sat ther ewith me, even though his interest in baseball is minimal. After leaving, we headed out to Ommegang brewery, one of my top 5 in the nation. We got a bit lost and took an extra 30 minutes to get there and we didn't even get a tour, but no complaints from either of us.
Why am I mentioning this? Well, for the last week I've been trying to think of a nice year end blog that would have a list of my favorite moments of 2009. Truth is, I couldn't find 10 worth talking about. But the election today reminded me of how selfless my father has always been to me, how he's done everything in his power to make me happy without question. Sometimes it makes me a little ashamed of myself and my failures, but mainly, it makes me hope that some day I can be that selfless. I got to see one of my heroes take his rightful place in baseball history, and while it didn't mean much to my dad, I know he took pleasure from my happiness. That act alone was enough to make the Cooperstown 2009 experience my top of 2009. Thanks Bud.
Unfortunately, when then time game in July, James was unable to make it due to work (which I don't blame him for, and am honestly a bit envious that he has a career he loves), which left me without anyone to head to Cooperstown with. Without hesitation, my father stepped in, volunteering the morning of the induction to leave the house at quarter of 7 in the morning, driving all the way out to Cooperstown (4 hours), sit in the sun to see Rice get elected, and then drive back.
The day was marked by a nearly 3 mile walk each way, to and from, the parking lot we chose to the field, on-and-off rain, and high humidity. Without complaint, he sat ther ewith me, even though his interest in baseball is minimal. After leaving, we headed out to Ommegang brewery, one of my top 5 in the nation. We got a bit lost and took an extra 30 minutes to get there and we didn't even get a tour, but no complaints from either of us.
Why am I mentioning this? Well, for the last week I've been trying to think of a nice year end blog that would have a list of my favorite moments of 2009. Truth is, I couldn't find 10 worth talking about. But the election today reminded me of how selfless my father has always been to me, how he's done everything in his power to make me happy without question. Sometimes it makes me a little ashamed of myself and my failures, but mainly, it makes me hope that some day I can be that selfless. I got to see one of my heroes take his rightful place in baseball history, and while it didn't mean much to my dad, I know he took pleasure from my happiness. That act alone was enough to make the Cooperstown 2009 experience my top of 2009. Thanks Bud.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Death of a Savant
Kim Peek, the savant who inspired Rain Man, died on my Birthday. Below is a brief article.
http://www.sltrib.com/News/ci_14043625
There are a plethora of documentaries about the man who had the ability to remember almost anything he ever saw or heard, though lacked any social skills or ability to have interpersonal relationships. One of my favorite celebrity figures, he was incredibly unique and so tragically, was probably never able to appreciate the gift he had. There's not really much else to say, so rest in peace, brilliant man.
http://www.sltrib.com/News/ci_14043625
There are a plethora of documentaries about the man who had the ability to remember almost anything he ever saw or heard, though lacked any social skills or ability to have interpersonal relationships. One of my favorite celebrity figures, he was incredibly unique and so tragically, was probably never able to appreciate the gift he had. There's not really much else to say, so rest in peace, brilliant man.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Birthday Mugging
As I write this, it is less than an hour until my 27th birthday (12/19/82).
AHF was kind enough to get me an awesome Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock shirt along with giving me a piece of dark knobby wood worthy of a black porn film (giggity). My parents, on the other hand, got me a nice Islanders hoodie and a Star Trek coffee mug (pictured below), among other things. The sad part is, I'm quite delighted with the mug, which reitterates previous comments to others that it sucks getting to the age were getting a nice coffee mug is actually exciting. When did that happen, that a coffee mug became enjoyable. Am I really that old? I think that revelation might have been one of the reasons one of the Von Erich brothers killed themself.
AHF was kind enough to get me an awesome Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock shirt along with giving me a piece of dark knobby wood worthy of a black porn film (giggity). My parents, on the other hand, got me a nice Islanders hoodie and a Star Trek coffee mug (pictured below), among other things. The sad part is, I'm quite delighted with the mug, which reitterates previous comments to others that it sucks getting to the age were getting a nice coffee mug is actually exciting. When did that happen, that a coffee mug became enjoyable. Am I really that old? I think that revelation might have been one of the reasons one of the Von Erich brothers killed themself.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Why I love the NHL
I haven't followed hockey for years. In fact, until the last season, I probably watched a dozen Islanders games since graduating college. Between the lack of televised games and the complete lack of ESPN attention, it is easy to forget about professional hockey. I'll never argue that the NHL matters a tenth as much as NBA, NFL, or baseball, but thanks to NHL network, Versus, and a smattering of Bruins games on NESN, I've watched nearly a game a night this seasons, and have remembered why the sport is fun.
1) Fast pace. The game is faster paced than any other sport, with a game getting done in 2.5 hours. With my lack of attention span, it's great. Moreover, the DVR allows any missed goals a quick replay, allowing me to divert my attention elsewhere.
2) Lack of personality. Sports personalities are great, but there's only so much I want to hear about Tiger, Tom Brady, Payton Manning, A-Rod, Kobe, etc. I'll watch them in amazement, but when it comes down to it, the individual focus that ESPN and other media outlets give to individual athletes for deeds in and out of the game becomes too much to bear. Outside of Crosby and Ovechkin, the average person likely couldn't name another two NHL players without some serious thought. This makes for an interesting game, because even the league superstars don't dominate all pre and post game talk, can't dominate the ice the entire game, and don't feel as if they are all that matters about the game.
3) Anybody's game. The home-ice advantage is big in the NHL, but it never quite feels it; not the way home field in the NFL does, not even the way it does in baseball or basketball. Sure, the Islanders have sucked on the road this year, but the worst team can go in and beat the best team any given night. There's not a single game I have watched with any certainty of outcome. Even a two goal lead isn't enough to say "It's all over" until much later in the game.
4) Relevance. The New York Islanders are finally relevant to hockey again. I'm not proclaiming any deep playoff run for them this year, or maybe not even a spot. However they're out of the cellar with a plethora of young prospects. They're in the playoff picture, with some serious talent, and an amazingly skilled Dwayne Roloson in goal, filling in for Rick DiPietro who has been out for a year. John Tavares, the number one pick in last years draft, is tied for lead in points and a surefire rookie of the year candidate. I'd guess within 2 or 3 years, he'll be in that top 10% of elite players, with his scoring ability, speed, and youth (he's 19).
5) Live Hockey! Well, not the NHL, but AHL. I've seen four games this year right on the glass, for less than what I would have paid for a decent seat at Fenway Park. With the huge amount of roster movements between AHL and NHL, I've been able to see a bunch of players who have been or will be on NHL rosters this year. No other sports developmental leagues can say that.
Hockey will never be relevant again, but as far as a fun sport to follow day by day, it's really done it for me this year.
1) Fast pace. The game is faster paced than any other sport, with a game getting done in 2.5 hours. With my lack of attention span, it's great. Moreover, the DVR allows any missed goals a quick replay, allowing me to divert my attention elsewhere.
2) Lack of personality. Sports personalities are great, but there's only so much I want to hear about Tiger, Tom Brady, Payton Manning, A-Rod, Kobe, etc. I'll watch them in amazement, but when it comes down to it, the individual focus that ESPN and other media outlets give to individual athletes for deeds in and out of the game becomes too much to bear. Outside of Crosby and Ovechkin, the average person likely couldn't name another two NHL players without some serious thought. This makes for an interesting game, because even the league superstars don't dominate all pre and post game talk, can't dominate the ice the entire game, and don't feel as if they are all that matters about the game.
3) Anybody's game. The home-ice advantage is big in the NHL, but it never quite feels it; not the way home field in the NFL does, not even the way it does in baseball or basketball. Sure, the Islanders have sucked on the road this year, but the worst team can go in and beat the best team any given night. There's not a single game I have watched with any certainty of outcome. Even a two goal lead isn't enough to say "It's all over" until much later in the game.
4) Relevance. The New York Islanders are finally relevant to hockey again. I'm not proclaiming any deep playoff run for them this year, or maybe not even a spot. However they're out of the cellar with a plethora of young prospects. They're in the playoff picture, with some serious talent, and an amazingly skilled Dwayne Roloson in goal, filling in for Rick DiPietro who has been out for a year. John Tavares, the number one pick in last years draft, is tied for lead in points and a surefire rookie of the year candidate. I'd guess within 2 or 3 years, he'll be in that top 10% of elite players, with his scoring ability, speed, and youth (he's 19).
5) Live Hockey! Well, not the NHL, but AHL. I've seen four games this year right on the glass, for less than what I would have paid for a decent seat at Fenway Park. With the huge amount of roster movements between AHL and NHL, I've been able to see a bunch of players who have been or will be on NHL rosters this year. No other sports developmental leagues can say that.
Hockey will never be relevant again, but as far as a fun sport to follow day by day, it's really done it for me this year.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Save Water, Lick a Pussy (Cat)
I hate stories about people's kids. So I promise, when I tell a story about a kid in a non-mocking tone, it's worth it:
While babysitting my cousin, he decided to pet his cat Sunshine as she groomed herself, clearly annoying the cat and messing up its freshly licked fur. "Matty, when the kitty licks itself, it wants to be clean. It licks itself the way we shower or take a bath." Without missing a beat, he picks up the cat, licks its head, puts it down and says, "I don't feel clean!"
While babysitting my cousin, he decided to pet his cat Sunshine as she groomed herself, clearly annoying the cat and messing up its freshly licked fur. "Matty, when the kitty licks itself, it wants to be clean. It licks itself the way we shower or take a bath." Without missing a beat, he picks up the cat, licks its head, puts it down and says, "I don't feel clean!"
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Resistance is Far from Futile
This September, the music world was treated to a new album by Muse, the British alt/indie rock trio whose over-the-top prog overtones seem to defy any particular genre. The Resistance, the band's fifth album, provides the listener with a bombastic and exhilarating experience.
From the first notes, the album immediately grabs its audience with the energetic "Uprising," a relatively straight forward rock song a pulsing drum beat and guitar riffs reminiscent of an aggressive Blondie song. Once energized, the listener gets the enjoy of delving into the title track "Resistance" which plays like a modern day Queen song, replete with huge harmonies, monstrous Brian May-like guitar riffs, and rattling drum beats. By the time "United States of Eurasia (+Collateral Damage)" Matthew Bellamy's vocals and guitar riffs simultaneously capture both May and Mercury enough to make even the casual listener do a double-take at the similarity between the aforementioned Queen.
Amazingly, though, the album is not admirable simply for its reminiscence to the pomp of Queen. Bellamy's riffs and highly emotive voice, combined with skilled and catchy drumming and a solid pounding bass backing are enough to be completely engrossing. The album finishes with an astonishing and extravagant three-song set, each entitled "Exogenesis: Sympathy." The tracks form a suite that mixes classical movements, including Chopin's Nocturne (which clearly influenced Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue), with more towering layers of guitar riffs that make the suite feel like a joint effort between a prog super group and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Moreover, the suite provides a stunning end to the entire album, a stunning crescendo to an aural experience of epic proportions.
From the first notes, the album immediately grabs its audience with the energetic "Uprising," a relatively straight forward rock song a pulsing drum beat and guitar riffs reminiscent of an aggressive Blondie song. Once energized, the listener gets the enjoy of delving into the title track "Resistance" which plays like a modern day Queen song, replete with huge harmonies, monstrous Brian May-like guitar riffs, and rattling drum beats. By the time "United States of Eurasia (+Collateral Damage)" Matthew Bellamy's vocals and guitar riffs simultaneously capture both May and Mercury enough to make even the casual listener do a double-take at the similarity between the aforementioned Queen.
Amazingly, though, the album is not admirable simply for its reminiscence to the pomp of Queen. Bellamy's riffs and highly emotive voice, combined with skilled and catchy drumming and a solid pounding bass backing are enough to be completely engrossing. The album finishes with an astonishing and extravagant three-song set, each entitled "Exogenesis: Sympathy." The tracks form a suite that mixes classical movements, including Chopin's Nocturne (which clearly influenced Gershwin's "Rhapsody in Blue), with more towering layers of guitar riffs that make the suite feel like a joint effort between a prog super group and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Moreover, the suite provides a stunning end to the entire album, a stunning crescendo to an aural experience of epic proportions.
Fuck saving Horses
No matter how catchy the song may be, I am never riding a cowboy. I did, however, ride a horse for the first time in my life on Saturday. Emily was kind enough to introduce me to Charlie (yeah, Charlie Horse, so original), the quarterhorse. Standing at 16 hands, the burnt sienna colored equine was quite charming, having a really relaxed look to him, which assuaged initial fears.
Fortunately, he was gentle with an inexperienced rider (no jokes about my sex life please), and despite being somewhat goofy, was a lot of fun. Emily was also incredibly patient with my inability to properly hold the reins and turn. The only downside outside of the initial fear is that a day later my legs feel like they were stretched apart and I haven't had this much groin pain since the time I played goalie for the Detroit Redwings in 1999. Though, that second part might have been a dream.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
If God ate Mac and Cheese...
He'd eat my recipe. A slight thanks to Rachel Ray for the recommendation on making a roux, and Maruzze for the Gruyere suggestion. Here's the recipe, with a little explanation mixed in. This must be shared.
First, boil some water in a pot for a full box/bag of oricchette or small shells. While you're waiting for those to cook, prepare your sauce.
Start with a medium sauce pan, with a tablespoon or two of olive oil and a tablespoon of butter. Get it nice and hot so the butter melts and drop in 1/4 cup of chopped onions. Cook them on a medium low heat so you sweat the onions creating a nice sweet texture. When you get a little bit of bubbling with the oil, whisk in 1 tbsp of paprika, 1/2 tbsp (1.5 tsp) of either cayenne or chipotle pepper, and 3 tbsp of flour. This will create an orange roux. Get the roux bubbling, add in 1/2 cup of sour cream and about 3 cups of skim milk. Raise the heat, and bring to a quick boil. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer. Let thicken 3-5 minutes.
Once your basic sauce has thickened, add 2 cups mild cheddar cheese, shredded, and 1 cup of gruyere chease, also shredded. Allow to melt into sauce for 1-2 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350.
Take your cooked pasta, drain but do not rinse, and combine with melted cheese sauce. Once thorougly combined, put in 8x8 baking pan. Top with breadcrumbs and thick cut bacon. Put foil over baking pan and bake in oven for 30 minutes at 350.
Once baked, allow to cool, and serve.
Believe me, this is worth it.
First, boil some water in a pot for a full box/bag of oricchette or small shells. While you're waiting for those to cook, prepare your sauce.
Start with a medium sauce pan, with a tablespoon or two of olive oil and a tablespoon of butter. Get it nice and hot so the butter melts and drop in 1/4 cup of chopped onions. Cook them on a medium low heat so you sweat the onions creating a nice sweet texture. When you get a little bit of bubbling with the oil, whisk in 1 tbsp of paprika, 1/2 tbsp (1.5 tsp) of either cayenne or chipotle pepper, and 3 tbsp of flour. This will create an orange roux. Get the roux bubbling, add in 1/2 cup of sour cream and about 3 cups of skim milk. Raise the heat, and bring to a quick boil. Once boiling, reduce to a simmer. Let thicken 3-5 minutes.
Once your basic sauce has thickened, add 2 cups mild cheddar cheese, shredded, and 1 cup of gruyere chease, also shredded. Allow to melt into sauce for 1-2 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350.
Take your cooked pasta, drain but do not rinse, and combine with melted cheese sauce. Once thorougly combined, put in 8x8 baking pan. Top with breadcrumbs and thick cut bacon. Put foil over baking pan and bake in oven for 30 minutes at 350.
Once baked, allow to cool, and serve.
Believe me, this is worth it.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
When Rhinocerotes Attack
Newsline - Associated Press - 14 November
Tragedy nearly struck this weekend when a young Puerto Rican woman narrowly avoided being gored to death by a rhinoceros who was reportedly provoked by a group of intoxicated onlookers. The woman's friends were able to save the girl from certain doom. However, to the chagrin of local authorities, the rhinoceros escaped captured and was last believed to be headed to Spain. Anyone with information about the stray odd-toed ungulate are encouraged to call big Joe. When asked about the incident afterwords, the woman only replied, "Pumpkin Tits!"
Tragedy nearly struck this weekend when a young Puerto Rican woman narrowly avoided being gored to death by a rhinoceros who was reportedly provoked by a group of intoxicated onlookers. The woman's friends were able to save the girl from certain doom. However, to the chagrin of local authorities, the rhinoceros escaped captured and was last believed to be headed to Spain. Anyone with information about the stray odd-toed ungulate are encouraged to call big Joe. When asked about the incident afterwords, the woman only replied, "Pumpkin Tits!"
Monday, November 9, 2009
You know, that novel I've been working on...
I know you're all about to ask, "How you uh, how you comin' on that novel, you're workin' on huh? Got a big uh big stack of papers there? Got a got a got a nice little nice little story you're workin' on there, the big big uh novel you've been working on for three years, huh? Got a, got a compelling protagonist huh? Got a uh got a obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Little story brewin' there? Workin' on, workin on that for quite some time huh? Yeah talkin' about that three years ago eh? Been workin' on that the whole time? Nice little uh narrative uh beginning middle and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends yeah? At the end you're uh main character is uh richer for the experience yeah? Yeah? Yeah you got uh .. No, no you you deserve some time off."
Well, the answer is, just damn peachy... sort of. I love knowing that I have a plot developed that would work in nearly any setting, not just a science fiction series that will make literary critics eyes roll. I just hate how tough it is writing effective dialogue that doesn't come across as hackneyed. I sometimes can't help but wonder how a War and Peace type novel was written, and how sane Tolstoy, or any of those epic authors could possibly be.
Was this really worth writing a blog about? Probably not, but at least you got to read a Family Guy quote.
Well, the answer is, just damn peachy... sort of. I love knowing that I have a plot developed that would work in nearly any setting, not just a science fiction series that will make literary critics eyes roll. I just hate how tough it is writing effective dialogue that doesn't come across as hackneyed. I sometimes can't help but wonder how a War and Peace type novel was written, and how sane Tolstoy, or any of those epic authors could possibly be.
Was this really worth writing a blog about? Probably not, but at least you got to read a Family Guy quote.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Hail Caesar
For the 27th time in their existence, the New York Yankees, baseball's version of the Roman Empire, were crowned the World Series Champion. Like the crowning of many Roman emperors, the championship will be celebrated in the streets of the homeland, with confetti replacing the blood of slaughtered chattel. And like the leaders of Rome, those who helped to build this Yankee empire come replete with stories of lavish spending, unchecked megalomania, scandalous personal indiscretions, and a list of enemies as long as the list of victories.
Just as Rome was not built in a day, the Yankee empire was one that could only be built through exorbitant spending and manipulation, but most of all, hard work and ruthless perseverance in the face of its enemies. Now the triumphant empire stands proud over its fallen enemies, holding trophies the of their conquest. Their enemies, not dressed in blood-stained armor like the soldiers of Carthage, Palmyra, and so many, but in dirt-smeared uniforms and battered cleats, are left to watch, in both awe and envy of their pinstriped conquerors.
As a member of one of those conquered nations, left battered and beaten by the conquering force, I am left alive and defeated, resentful of success won at the hands of my own dominion's failure. Even more painful than the defeat itself, though, is the thought that for the following days, I must be forced to live by the saying "when in Rome..." Thus, like the Roman gladiators, many of who were slaves from a defeated rival, I can only turn towards the Steinbrenners, Brian Cashman, and the Yankee players, and bitterly address them; "Hail Caesar, we who are about to die, salute you!"
Just as Rome was not built in a day, the Yankee empire was one that could only be built through exorbitant spending and manipulation, but most of all, hard work and ruthless perseverance in the face of its enemies. Now the triumphant empire stands proud over its fallen enemies, holding trophies the of their conquest. Their enemies, not dressed in blood-stained armor like the soldiers of Carthage, Palmyra, and so many, but in dirt-smeared uniforms and battered cleats, are left to watch, in both awe and envy of their pinstriped conquerors.
As a member of one of those conquered nations, left battered and beaten by the conquering force, I am left alive and defeated, resentful of success won at the hands of my own dominion's failure. Even more painful than the defeat itself, though, is the thought that for the following days, I must be forced to live by the saying "when in Rome..." Thus, like the Roman gladiators, many of who were slaves from a defeated rival, I can only turn towards the Steinbrenners, Brian Cashman, and the Yankee players, and bitterly address them; "Hail Caesar, we who are about to die, salute you!"
Friday, October 30, 2009
Mother Earth is a bitch!
Below is an article from a blog by Charlie Stross. In short, it sums up an old scientific theory about the relative uninhabitable nature of the Earth. While it's been discussed in the past by many writers, Stross puts this in a very different light, making it easy to understand and very interesting to read.
http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2009/10/how_habitable_is_the_earth.html
What I find most interesting about this article is that in many ways this theory can be used by believers to insist upon the existance of a supreme being ("It had to be God's plan, it's too big of a coincidence not to be.") or by non-believers to praise the randomness of evolution and the cosmic dice throw. As someone who is basically agnostic, with a leaning towards some sort of supreme architect of the universe, whether it is "God" or the governing laws of phyics, I'm left in sheer amazement of the evolution of the human machine.
http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2009/10/how_habitable_is_the_earth.html
What I find most interesting about this article is that in many ways this theory can be used by believers to insist upon the existance of a supreme being ("It had to be God's plan, it's too big of a coincidence not to be.") or by non-believers to praise the randomness of evolution and the cosmic dice throw. As someone who is basically agnostic, with a leaning towards some sort of supreme architect of the universe, whether it is "God" or the governing laws of phyics, I'm left in sheer amazement of the evolution of the human machine.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Reviewing "The Inferno"
While it might be exceptionally pretentious to assume anyone wishes to read the review of a 700 year old book that has been broken down time and time again, I'll risk pretention and make a quick comment on Dante's epic poem.
So powerful was this poem that the Christian vision of hell was essentially reworked to coincide with the imagery in Dante's work. Interestingly, "The Inferno" was meant as much of a commentary on the political state of Florence spliced with references to pagan myths and historical figures. In actually, I have found nothing "Christian" about this vision, lacking any of the so called Christian virtues. Charity, compassion, sympathy, forgiveness; these are almost entirely lacking.
What is so interesting about this, is that the imagery was so vivid, so frightening, and so cleverly written, that the descriptions of hellish punishments for sinners became a tool for the Church to use frighten its followers. Of course, this is nothing new to the fourteenth century, as the Christian institution has often used an assortment of past traditions and powerful imagery to achieve its religious and political objectives.
In many ways, I almost find it unfortunate that the Christain view of hell is little more than a work of fiction that has been taken as a point of faith. Snark aside, this seems the modern day equivalent of using the next apocolyptic film as a true vision of the future. On the other hand, the Inferno is so enjoyable and unlike anything every written (save Milton's "Paradise Lost") that Christianity could have done far worse.
So powerful was this poem that the Christian vision of hell was essentially reworked to coincide with the imagery in Dante's work. Interestingly, "The Inferno" was meant as much of a commentary on the political state of Florence spliced with references to pagan myths and historical figures. In actually, I have found nothing "Christian" about this vision, lacking any of the so called Christian virtues. Charity, compassion, sympathy, forgiveness; these are almost entirely lacking.
What is so interesting about this, is that the imagery was so vivid, so frightening, and so cleverly written, that the descriptions of hellish punishments for sinners became a tool for the Church to use frighten its followers. Of course, this is nothing new to the fourteenth century, as the Christian institution has often used an assortment of past traditions and powerful imagery to achieve its religious and political objectives.
In many ways, I almost find it unfortunate that the Christain view of hell is little more than a work of fiction that has been taken as a point of faith. Snark aside, this seems the modern day equivalent of using the next apocolyptic film as a true vision of the future. On the other hand, the Inferno is so enjoyable and unlike anything every written (save Milton's "Paradise Lost") that Christianity could have done far worse.
Book Excerpt
Untitled Star Trek Project
For the last two and a half years, I have been developing a novel-length story in the Star Trek universe. Taking place approximately three years after Star Trek: Nemesis, the begining of the book will be set in mid-2831, in the wake of a devastationg and near-apocalyptic invasion of the Federation, in which much of society is forced to deal with life in a universe recovering from unthinkable disaster.
Following the published works of the expanded universe, the premise deals with a young scientist and Starfleet officer struggling to come to terms with the often tenuous relationship between peacetime exploration and the military. Analyzing the effects of military institution and its dichotomy with civilian life, the project is meant to reflect upon historical events and merge them with the world of Star Trek.
The exerpt below, does not deal directly with the above theme, but rather serves as a brief introduction to John Chamberlain, an experienced captain and secondary protagonist. Chamberlain will come to represent the military complex within Starfleet, an organization that must balance its peaceful functions with its more martial ones. His name and basic character, are directly inspired and draw many comparisons to Joshua L. Chamberlain, Civil War hero and Maine statesman (and possible distant ancestor). In the book, Chamberlain will play commanding officer and friendly authority figure to Gavin Malkar, the project's protagonist, who I will introduce later.
U.S.S. Grayson
Indri VIII
Captain John Chamberlain squinted to read the words flashing across vibrating data terminal in front of him. Setting down his cup of coffee, which proceeded to splash on the rattling desk, he let out a barely audible sigh and gripped the desk monitor, unsuccessfully trying to steady the device. Letting his eyes drift off the monitor and scanning the small, sterile ready room, Chamberlain could not help but notice the barrenness of his surroundings. The plain antimony walls, harsh lighting, and well-worn black desk in front of him, did every bit as much to betray the age of his temporary command, as did the shaking of the room around him. At over a century old, the U.S.S. Grayson was just one of hundreds of mothballed ships that had been brought into service in the wake of the disastrous Borg invasion earlier in the year. Having served in Starfleet for over three decades, the fifty-one year old Chamberlain was no stranger to being aboard starships old and new, but the less than rhythmic vibrations of the ship's warp deceleration proved to be slightly jarring. Still, everything that has happened these last few months has been jarring, Chamberlain thought.
Despite the slightly bumpy deceleration, it was only the sharp chime of the ship's intercom that broke Captain Chamberlain of his reverie.
Velazquez to the Captain, a female voice chirped through the speaker.
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
Sir, we've come out of warp in the Indri system. We're due to make orbit in just under four minutes, but we've picked up something unusual on the ship's sensors.
“Unusual?” Chamberlain replied, taking a small sip of his coffee.
Yes, sir. For a fraction of a second, short-range sensors seemed to indicate a small source of vertiron particles and rather high neutrino emissions.
“Vertirons and neutrinos,” the Captain's voice showing a hint of intrigue, “are you sure?”
Yes, Captain. We couldn't get a fix on the exact source, but the computer registered a definite reading.
“Well neutrinos could indicate the presence of a cloak,” Chamberlain said, in a tone indicating absent conjecture rather than any certainty.
Lieutenant Wallace suggested that too. From what we can tell, the source was far to small to be a cloaked ship. There doesn't appear to be any immediate threat.
“Well, Velazquez,” Chamberlain replied, lightly dismissive, “with the age and condition of these sensors, you could very well be chasing ghosts. We can always double back and scan the area after we've unloaded the cargo, but for now, let's proceed to our scheduled rendezvous. I'll be on the bridge in a moment. Chamberlain out.”
Tapping off the data terminal and taking one more sip of coffee, Chamberlain set down the cup once more on the now-still desk. Seeing his reflection in the black screen of the blank monitor, he noticed the small creases that had subtly began to form on the sides his eyes over, betraying his own advancing age. This betrayal was further exacerbated by the sprinkling of gray that had just recently begun to appear in his sandy-brown mustache; a bushy horseshoe-shaped bit of facial hair that hung over his upper lip and down the sides of his mouth. This walrus-like mustache distinguished him every bit as much as the slightly long hair that hung just past the tops of his ears, making the captain seem like somewhat of an anachronism, fit more to commanding a cavalry brigade than a starship. Hair that was also, Chamberlain admitted to himself as he peered at his reflection, starting to show the slightest bit of gray in the temples.
His heavy brow furrowing, Chamberlain stood up and tugged at his black uniform shirt, then adjusted his red collar slightly, making sure to be the perfect image of order when he appeared on the Grayson's bridge. To his credit, Chamberlain had a very regal bearing, despite his somewhat unusual look. Having once been described by a colleague as appearing firm and but not too rigid, every detail of his person was properly seen to. Adding to this image was a somewhat austere, though quite thoughtful look, that seemed to be permanently affixed to the captain's face. As he made his way out the ready room door and onto the bridge, Chamberlain hoped that this image would show to his new, albeit temporary, crew.
Note: Avid Star Trek fans will take note of the ship, "U.S.S. Grayson," named for character Amanda Grayson, wife of Sarek of Vulcan. Described by A.C. Crispin in her 1994 novel Sarek, the ship's namesake was said to be a humanitarian and noted civilian scientist. As a result, I found it fitting to name a relief ship.
For the last two and a half years, I have been developing a novel-length story in the Star Trek universe. Taking place approximately three years after Star Trek: Nemesis, the begining of the book will be set in mid-2831, in the wake of a devastationg and near-apocalyptic invasion of the Federation, in which much of society is forced to deal with life in a universe recovering from unthinkable disaster.
Following the published works of the expanded universe, the premise deals with a young scientist and Starfleet officer struggling to come to terms with the often tenuous relationship between peacetime exploration and the military. Analyzing the effects of military institution and its dichotomy with civilian life, the project is meant to reflect upon historical events and merge them with the world of Star Trek.
The exerpt below, does not deal directly with the above theme, but rather serves as a brief introduction to John Chamberlain, an experienced captain and secondary protagonist. Chamberlain will come to represent the military complex within Starfleet, an organization that must balance its peaceful functions with its more martial ones. His name and basic character, are directly inspired and draw many comparisons to Joshua L. Chamberlain, Civil War hero and Maine statesman (and possible distant ancestor). In the book, Chamberlain will play commanding officer and friendly authority figure to Gavin Malkar, the project's protagonist, who I will introduce later.
U.S.S. Grayson
Indri VIII
Captain John Chamberlain squinted to read the words flashing across vibrating data terminal in front of him. Setting down his cup of coffee, which proceeded to splash on the rattling desk, he let out a barely audible sigh and gripped the desk monitor, unsuccessfully trying to steady the device. Letting his eyes drift off the monitor and scanning the small, sterile ready room, Chamberlain could not help but notice the barrenness of his surroundings. The plain antimony walls, harsh lighting, and well-worn black desk in front of him, did every bit as much to betray the age of his temporary command, as did the shaking of the room around him. At over a century old, the U.S.S. Grayson was just one of hundreds of mothballed ships that had been brought into service in the wake of the disastrous Borg invasion earlier in the year. Having served in Starfleet for over three decades, the fifty-one year old Chamberlain was no stranger to being aboard starships old and new, but the less than rhythmic vibrations of the ship's warp deceleration proved to be slightly jarring. Still, everything that has happened these last few months has been jarring, Chamberlain thought.
Despite the slightly bumpy deceleration, it was only the sharp chime of the ship's intercom that broke Captain Chamberlain of his reverie.
Velazquez to the Captain, a female voice chirped through the speaker.
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
Sir, we've come out of warp in the Indri system. We're due to make orbit in just under four minutes, but we've picked up something unusual on the ship's sensors.
“Unusual?” Chamberlain replied, taking a small sip of his coffee.
Yes, sir. For a fraction of a second, short-range sensors seemed to indicate a small source of vertiron particles and rather high neutrino emissions.
“Vertirons and neutrinos,” the Captain's voice showing a hint of intrigue, “are you sure?”
Yes, Captain. We couldn't get a fix on the exact source, but the computer registered a definite reading.
“Well neutrinos could indicate the presence of a cloak,” Chamberlain said, in a tone indicating absent conjecture rather than any certainty.
Lieutenant Wallace suggested that too. From what we can tell, the source was far to small to be a cloaked ship. There doesn't appear to be any immediate threat.
“Well, Velazquez,” Chamberlain replied, lightly dismissive, “with the age and condition of these sensors, you could very well be chasing ghosts. We can always double back and scan the area after we've unloaded the cargo, but for now, let's proceed to our scheduled rendezvous. I'll be on the bridge in a moment. Chamberlain out.”
Tapping off the data terminal and taking one more sip of coffee, Chamberlain set down the cup once more on the now-still desk. Seeing his reflection in the black screen of the blank monitor, he noticed the small creases that had subtly began to form on the sides his eyes over, betraying his own advancing age. This betrayal was further exacerbated by the sprinkling of gray that had just recently begun to appear in his sandy-brown mustache; a bushy horseshoe-shaped bit of facial hair that hung over his upper lip and down the sides of his mouth. This walrus-like mustache distinguished him every bit as much as the slightly long hair that hung just past the tops of his ears, making the captain seem like somewhat of an anachronism, fit more to commanding a cavalry brigade than a starship. Hair that was also, Chamberlain admitted to himself as he peered at his reflection, starting to show the slightest bit of gray in the temples.
His heavy brow furrowing, Chamberlain stood up and tugged at his black uniform shirt, then adjusted his red collar slightly, making sure to be the perfect image of order when he appeared on the Grayson's bridge. To his credit, Chamberlain had a very regal bearing, despite his somewhat unusual look. Having once been described by a colleague as appearing firm and but not too rigid, every detail of his person was properly seen to. Adding to this image was a somewhat austere, though quite thoughtful look, that seemed to be permanently affixed to the captain's face. As he made his way out the ready room door and onto the bridge, Chamberlain hoped that this image would show to his new, albeit temporary, crew.
Note: Avid Star Trek fans will take note of the ship, "U.S.S. Grayson," named for character Amanda Grayson, wife of Sarek of Vulcan. Described by A.C. Crispin in her 1994 novel Sarek, the ship's namesake was said to be a humanitarian and noted civilian scientist. As a result, I found it fitting to name a relief ship.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Random Musings 2: Eclectic Bugaloo
Here's a few Top 7 lists to chew on. Why 7? It's a biblical number. It's more decisive than 5. It's completely arbitrary, just like the lists. These are in no particular order
Top 7 Awesome Smells
1) Libraries: C'mon, there's something awesome about the smell of musty paper and rows upon rows of books.
2) Playdough: Try to contest this one
3) Pumpkin Spice Donut: See Also: Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Anything
4) Fresh Basil (still on plant): Mix with lemon for orgasmic scent
5) Beer mash: Before it's beer, it's a mushy brown mash of grains and boiling water that smells like a cross between bread and awesome.
6) Ice Hockey Rink: Seriously, go smell it. I don't know what the chemical is, but it's amazing.
7) New York City: Olfactory Overload
Top 7 Books that NEED to be written (and some that could never be)
1) Comprehensive History of the Eisenhower Interstate System: You could circle the world dozens of times with the pavement laid down in the 1950's and 1960's. It has to be worth a read.
2) Comprehensive History of the NYC Subway System: 700 miles of track under granite, swamp, and even river. The ultimate engineering marvel of the world.
3) Presidents and Polygraphs: Ask US Presidents questions while hooked up to a Polygraph. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Enjoy.
4) A Muslim's View of the Crusades: Go back in time, kidnap a Muslim leader during the invasions, let him write an autobiography.
5) Christ - The Autobiography: Would the holes in his hands keep him from properly holding a pen?
6) The History of Comfort Foods: The story behind who came up with foods like PB&J and Mac n Cheese. Seriously, just think about the combinations of food we eat.
7) The List Book: A book listing the greatest lists of all time. Who doesn't like lists? Communists, that' who.
Top 7 Candies Old People Like
1) Black Licorice: It's like beer. You can't enjoy it under a certain age.
2) Worther's Original: Awesomeness comes in a coffee flavored hunk of sugar.
3) Sugar-Free Lifesavers: Try the mixed berry ones.
4) After Dinner Mints: Those weird chalky mints you get at restaurants and grandparents houses have some great value
5) NECCO Wafers: Addictive despite how horrible they are
6) Spice Drops: The look of disappointment when a little kid thinks he's getting fruity candy and bites into a purple spice drop that tastes like licorice and mint makes these worthwhile.
7) Butterscotch Candies: If you haven't gotten and enjoyed one of these from someone over 50 you either don't have grandparents or don't hang out with pedophiles.
Top 7 Flags of the World
1) Britain' Union Jack: Even the French like this.
2) Libya: These fuckers were too lazy to actually design something, so they hung a plain green sheet.
3) Macedonia: Yellow sun with a red background sorta like a twisted old Japanese rising sun. Awesomeness.
4) Bhutan: Anyone who can get a dragon on their flag is okay by me.
5) Nazi Germany: Yeah, fuck the Nazi's and everything they did. And fuck them for ruining what was an awesome logo.
6) Sri Lanka: What's better than a dragon than a lion-dragon thingy holding a knife! Bonus points for the crazy colors.
7) Nepal: Apparently the rectangular fabric store was closed the day it was designed.
Top 7 Never-Printed Family Circus Plots
1) The one where Jeffy gets kidnapped by the creepy neighbor.
2) The one where Bill beats Thelma and the kids for ruining his life.
3) The one where Dolly accidentally puts the car in reverse, running over the family dog.
4) The one where the kids age.
5) The one that shows a minority.
6) The one where Thelma admits that P.J. was a failed abortion.
7) The one that's actually funny.
Top 7 Overrated Rock Bands
1) Aerosmith: I don't want to walk this way or that.
2) The Doors: Die Jim Morrison. Well, at least you did that right.
3) U2: Bono's toned it back a bit in recent years, but have they really done much good since the 1980's?
4) Nirvana: Everyone (including me) has had a Nirvana phase. Some great stuff, but how many shit bands did they influence? And ask yourself this: If Cobain hadn't died, how many more albums could he do that sounded like they did without people getting sick of them.
5) Pink Floyd: Sorry, but 3 great albums don't excuse all the crap.
6) The Eagles: A few great hits, a LOT of crap.
7) Van Halen: How they ever got as popular as they did will never cease to amaze.
Top 7 Shows That Were Cancelled Too Soon
1) Firefly
2) Animaniacs
3) Andy Richter Controls the Universe
4) The Chevy Chase Show: A week, guys, really?!
5) Enterprise: It was just getting good.
6) Reading Rainbow: Fuck you, illiterate youth!
7) Eek the Cat: Meet Halley, Acorn, Steven Junior, Gunther, and my lovely wife, SUUUUUZAN
Top 7 Awesome Smells
1) Libraries: C'mon, there's something awesome about the smell of musty paper and rows upon rows of books.
2) Playdough: Try to contest this one
3) Pumpkin Spice Donut: See Also: Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Anything
4) Fresh Basil (still on plant): Mix with lemon for orgasmic scent
5) Beer mash: Before it's beer, it's a mushy brown mash of grains and boiling water that smells like a cross between bread and awesome.
6) Ice Hockey Rink: Seriously, go smell it. I don't know what the chemical is, but it's amazing.
7) New York City: Olfactory Overload
Top 7 Books that NEED to be written (and some that could never be)
1) Comprehensive History of the Eisenhower Interstate System: You could circle the world dozens of times with the pavement laid down in the 1950's and 1960's. It has to be worth a read.
2) Comprehensive History of the NYC Subway System: 700 miles of track under granite, swamp, and even river. The ultimate engineering marvel of the world.
3) Presidents and Polygraphs: Ask US Presidents questions while hooked up to a Polygraph. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Enjoy.
4) A Muslim's View of the Crusades: Go back in time, kidnap a Muslim leader during the invasions, let him write an autobiography.
5) Christ - The Autobiography: Would the holes in his hands keep him from properly holding a pen?
6) The History of Comfort Foods: The story behind who came up with foods like PB&J and Mac n Cheese. Seriously, just think about the combinations of food we eat.
7) The List Book: A book listing the greatest lists of all time. Who doesn't like lists? Communists, that' who.
Top 7 Candies Old People Like
1) Black Licorice: It's like beer. You can't enjoy it under a certain age.
2) Worther's Original: Awesomeness comes in a coffee flavored hunk of sugar.
3) Sugar-Free Lifesavers: Try the mixed berry ones.
4) After Dinner Mints: Those weird chalky mints you get at restaurants and grandparents houses have some great value
5) NECCO Wafers: Addictive despite how horrible they are
6) Spice Drops: The look of disappointment when a little kid thinks he's getting fruity candy and bites into a purple spice drop that tastes like licorice and mint makes these worthwhile.
7) Butterscotch Candies: If you haven't gotten and enjoyed one of these from someone over 50 you either don't have grandparents or don't hang out with pedophiles.
Top 7 Flags of the World
1) Britain' Union Jack: Even the French like this.
2) Libya: These fuckers were too lazy to actually design something, so they hung a plain green sheet.
3) Macedonia: Yellow sun with a red background sorta like a twisted old Japanese rising sun. Awesomeness.
4) Bhutan: Anyone who can get a dragon on their flag is okay by me.
5) Nazi Germany: Yeah, fuck the Nazi's and everything they did. And fuck them for ruining what was an awesome logo.
6) Sri Lanka: What's better than a dragon than a lion-dragon thingy holding a knife! Bonus points for the crazy colors.
7) Nepal: Apparently the rectangular fabric store was closed the day it was designed.
Top 7 Never-Printed Family Circus Plots
1) The one where Jeffy gets kidnapped by the creepy neighbor.
2) The one where Bill beats Thelma and the kids for ruining his life.
3) The one where Dolly accidentally puts the car in reverse, running over the family dog.
4) The one where the kids age.
5) The one that shows a minority.
6) The one where Thelma admits that P.J. was a failed abortion.
7) The one that's actually funny.
Top 7 Overrated Rock Bands
1) Aerosmith: I don't want to walk this way or that.
2) The Doors: Die Jim Morrison. Well, at least you did that right.
3) U2: Bono's toned it back a bit in recent years, but have they really done much good since the 1980's?
4) Nirvana: Everyone (including me) has had a Nirvana phase. Some great stuff, but how many shit bands did they influence? And ask yourself this: If Cobain hadn't died, how many more albums could he do that sounded like they did without people getting sick of them.
5) Pink Floyd: Sorry, but 3 great albums don't excuse all the crap.
6) The Eagles: A few great hits, a LOT of crap.
7) Van Halen: How they ever got as popular as they did will never cease to amaze.
Top 7 Shows That Were Cancelled Too Soon
1) Firefly
2) Animaniacs
3) Andy Richter Controls the Universe
4) The Chevy Chase Show: A week, guys, really?!
5) Enterprise: It was just getting good.
6) Reading Rainbow: Fuck you, illiterate youth!
7) Eek the Cat: Meet Halley, Acorn, Steven Junior, Gunther, and my lovely wife, SUUUUUZAN
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Musings of No Particular Importance
As an opinionated know-it-all, I am never short of things to discuss, which brings me to the following things that have been on my mind lately. They very in intensity and seriousness, mostly being utterly meaningless. In no particular order, here are my week's thoughts.
The NFL has hit a gold mine this season with the huge number of high-profile quarterbacks. I don't care much about NFL, but even I am tuning in.
House, M.D. has been incredible television for the start of the season. How they manage to keep the show watchable with the same diagnostic premises every week is a miracle of nature.
For reasons that I'm uncertain of, I've enjoyed the hell out of Flash Forward, despite it being a completely ridiculous premise.
My uncle Scott was generous enough to take me to the Red Sox game last Tuesday, which despite the loss, was a great time and a great game. He's always been good to me, but one-on-one, he's awesome.
The NYC subway system and the US Eisenhower interstate system are the two greatest achievements of mankind next to buffalo wings and ,lesbian porn.
The UConn library needs to let UConn alumni check out books. I could spend days in there reading history books, like I did when I was pledging. Of course, my GPA sucked but I knew lots about Freemasons and the Roman Army.
"Win" and "Fail" are so overused, but are the best slang to describe a positive and negative in a while. It certainly beats "SCORE!" Fuck you girl in Mrs. Cirillo's Writing and the Media Class who said that after anything even remotely good happened. "You got a C+ on your test." "SCORE!" "Hey, the lunch lady gave me an extra meatball. SCORE!" "Wow, the Bruins just put the puck in the net. SCORE!"
I shall be attending the Army vs. Vanderbilt football game on 10/10 with AHF and the folks. West Point is truly my favorite place in the East Coast to be. A certain ex-girlfriend's vagina would have been number one, but she's not in the East Coast anymore, and if memory serves, most men have had a harder time getting into West Point.
Yankees/Sox ALCS? Likely, but I honestly just don't care this year that much. Bigger things to worry about.
Hockey season has started, and I had no idea until 3 days in. It says something about that sport.
Why does Notre Dame still have a fan following?
Laws need to be changed to protect teachers in this country. No comment about my particular case, but I've been reading cases of teachers being blackballed out of the progression for doing nothing.
Does anyone know a good publisher or someone who I can get to knock on Pocket's door?
I've been painting Marty the Zebra from Madagascar for Emily. Expect a finish pic shortly.
I don't like following politics, but for a guy who ran on a centrist platform, Obama's about as Left as you can get without having your dick in a tree. This isn't wholly a bad thing, but his alienation of the Republican party could come back to bite him in the ass. Moreover, if it leads to a Republican in the White House before his healthcare plan has come to fruition, it could be 4 or 8 years of work wasted. Slightly scary. Nonetheless, he seems genuinely likeable, which is sifferent than the last guy.
WWE writing is really stagnant lately.
My fraternity brother Wilpat is being married in Madrid on November 28th. Sadly I'll be unable to attend, but wish him and Deb the best of luck.
I'll have more later, but here are some topics to get anyone reading this thinking.
B.Mo.
The NFL has hit a gold mine this season with the huge number of high-profile quarterbacks. I don't care much about NFL, but even I am tuning in.
House, M.D. has been incredible television for the start of the season. How they manage to keep the show watchable with the same diagnostic premises every week is a miracle of nature.
For reasons that I'm uncertain of, I've enjoyed the hell out of Flash Forward, despite it being a completely ridiculous premise.
My uncle Scott was generous enough to take me to the Red Sox game last Tuesday, which despite the loss, was a great time and a great game. He's always been good to me, but one-on-one, he's awesome.
The NYC subway system and the US Eisenhower interstate system are the two greatest achievements of mankind next to buffalo wings and ,lesbian porn.
The UConn library needs to let UConn alumni check out books. I could spend days in there reading history books, like I did when I was pledging. Of course, my GPA sucked but I knew lots about Freemasons and the Roman Army.
"Win" and "Fail" are so overused, but are the best slang to describe a positive and negative in a while. It certainly beats "SCORE!" Fuck you girl in Mrs. Cirillo's Writing and the Media Class who said that after anything even remotely good happened. "You got a C+ on your test." "SCORE!" "Hey, the lunch lady gave me an extra meatball. SCORE!" "Wow, the Bruins just put the puck in the net. SCORE!"
I shall be attending the Army vs. Vanderbilt football game on 10/10 with AHF and the folks. West Point is truly my favorite place in the East Coast to be. A certain ex-girlfriend's vagina would have been number one, but she's not in the East Coast anymore, and if memory serves, most men have had a harder time getting into West Point.
Yankees/Sox ALCS? Likely, but I honestly just don't care this year that much. Bigger things to worry about.
Hockey season has started, and I had no idea until 3 days in. It says something about that sport.
Why does Notre Dame still have a fan following?
Laws need to be changed to protect teachers in this country. No comment about my particular case, but I've been reading cases of teachers being blackballed out of the progression for doing nothing.
Does anyone know a good publisher or someone who I can get to knock on Pocket's door?
I've been painting Marty the Zebra from Madagascar for Emily. Expect a finish pic shortly.
I don't like following politics, but for a guy who ran on a centrist platform, Obama's about as Left as you can get without having your dick in a tree. This isn't wholly a bad thing, but his alienation of the Republican party could come back to bite him in the ass. Moreover, if it leads to a Republican in the White House before his healthcare plan has come to fruition, it could be 4 or 8 years of work wasted. Slightly scary. Nonetheless, he seems genuinely likeable, which is sifferent than the last guy.
WWE writing is really stagnant lately.
My fraternity brother Wilpat is being married in Madrid on November 28th. Sadly I'll be unable to attend, but wish him and Deb the best of luck.
I'll have more later, but here are some topics to get anyone reading this thinking.
B.Mo.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Life as Art: The Graph
So while reflecting on my life (I do a lot of that these days), I had this interesting idea for an abstract art project. Graph out, on some sort of 3-dimensional medium, (I’m thinking dowels, string, or something similar) the high and low points of one’s life. The X-Axis would represent time, the Y-Axis the level of happiness of the memory. The Z-Axis would be filled with a variety of materials, graphing things like financial security, memories of world events, love interests, etc. In theory, every person would show a very different graph, but I’d guess that certain parts would coincide. However, it would be as much about the expression of one’s life in an artistic graph than it would be about a true psychological or sociological study. Stay tuned, I might work on this.
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